Sunday, December 30, 2012
Govt. Island: Winter Walk in the woods
Govt. Island: Winter Walk in the woods: Now that winter is officially with us that does not mean that there is little to see when you go to Government Island. A cold day is a gr...
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Fear?
For some time now, I've been whining about how frightened Americans seem to be these days. My rants have mostly focused on how many of our freedoms people seem willing to sacrifice for "safety". I don't believe "safety" is possible. People want to be protected from terrorists, but the only way to be protected is not to be terrified. No one can prevent every possible bad thing from happening. The beltway snipers were terrorists, serial killers are terrorists, so are bullies and abusers - but no one seems to think of them that way. "Terrorists" -the word- means "foreigners" to an awful lot of people. Anyway, we're so afraid of terrorists that we've sacrificed our rights - freedom from illegal searches, unwarranted invasions on our privacy. Hell, we've even given up on the right to a speedy trial - or any trial - and all the government has to do to implement that denial is say 'terrorist'.
I think if people are willing to deny someone else the right to a speedy and fair trial, they should lose that right themselves. Not everyone should lose that right - just the people who want to take it away from others. Same with the "sanctity of marriage" group - they should forfeit the right to choose their own partners.
(Yes, I digressed a bit. I'm back on topic now...) When the shooter went wild on the Virginia Tech campus, parents went apeshit because the school didn't do enough to protect their children. Here's a news flash: They aren't children. They are old enough to vote, marry, die in war, and even to drink in some places (not Virginia). They are adults. Besides that, why would anyone expect that a murder over here would turn into a murderous spree across campus a few hours later? No one could predict that, so no one could know what to do to prevent it. Sure, after the fact, you can say they shoulda this or they shoulda that.
No one could know that some nutcase would open fire in a movie theater, and considering the volume of the Dark Knight and the amount of gunfire in that movie, who would be able to tell the difference between live fire and that playing on the screen? Theaters are soundproofed so that horrendously loud movie doesn't interfere with the horrendously loud movie playing screen right next door.
So, a few months ago, several scientific studies were correlated to pinpoint this whole fear thing. Mostly the research has to do with conservatives vs. liberals, but I think those are the wrong labels. Some people have a bigger right amygdala - which monitors fear, and others have a larger anterior cingulate cortex, which monitors ambiguity. If your amygdala is larger, you are more frightened. If your anterior cingulate cortex is bigger, you are better at handling ambiguity. People who are afraid need more controls, people who aren't bothered by uncertainty need fewer controls.
The studies explain that amygdalites (I made that up, it's shorthand for "people with larger amygdalas) are more concerned with self-preservation: what is best for ME (and mine), whereas cingulates (shorthand for people with larger anterior cingulate cortexes) are more focused on what is best for all, even if that means that the result isn't necessarily in their own personal best interest.
Cingulates pass out free water in a drought, while amygdalites hide their water rather than share it. Those who sell it for four times the usual price are probably people with relatively equal amygdala / cingulate sizing. They get the water to people who need it, but make sure they also benefit from the distribution. Yes, I do know that those sharing the water benefit, but that is more cerebral / spiritual than tangible.
Politically, cingulates are more likely to say 'let's move forward, do things differently' and amygdalites are more likely to say 'let's go back to how it used to be'.
Innovators and traditionalists. Since not all change is good, and humans are mostly wired to maintain status quo, tradition is pretty strong stuff. But not all tradition is good, and if we didn't change the status quo, quite frankly, we'd all be cavemen. Innovation is vital. Without it, no one would be voting at all - at the very least we'd have small tribes run by the meanest dude in town. 'How it used to be' sucked.
None of the studies discussed whether people can affect the size of their amygdalas and anterior cingulate cortexes. Can we, by practicing creativity exercises and adapting to change, enlarge our anterior cingulate cortex? By giving in to fear or worry, can we cause the right amygdala to grow?
I do know that if you fear something - heights, for example - you can learn to overcome that or you can let it take over. You can climb one rung higher on a ladder daily, until you reach the roof, or you can cling to the handrail and descend the stairs with trepidation. I know that if you don't push back against fear, fear pushes in on you.
Fear is that nightmare room where the walls close in on you. It's scary to do new things and to push yourself to do things you fear, but doing so expands the space you have to live in. Expanding your own world makes the world bigger for everyone else too. I'm not suggesting everyone throw all caution to the wind, just that we all try to do something new each day, even something tiny, so that none of feel the need to constrain others simply because we're afraid of change.
I think if people are willing to deny someone else the right to a speedy and fair trial, they should lose that right themselves. Not everyone should lose that right - just the people who want to take it away from others. Same with the "sanctity of marriage" group - they should forfeit the right to choose their own partners.
(Yes, I digressed a bit. I'm back on topic now...) When the shooter went wild on the Virginia Tech campus, parents went apeshit because the school didn't do enough to protect their children. Here's a news flash: They aren't children. They are old enough to vote, marry, die in war, and even to drink in some places (not Virginia). They are adults. Besides that, why would anyone expect that a murder over here would turn into a murderous spree across campus a few hours later? No one could predict that, so no one could know what to do to prevent it. Sure, after the fact, you can say they shoulda this or they shoulda that.
No one could know that some nutcase would open fire in a movie theater, and considering the volume of the Dark Knight and the amount of gunfire in that movie, who would be able to tell the difference between live fire and that playing on the screen? Theaters are soundproofed so that horrendously loud movie doesn't interfere with the horrendously loud movie playing screen right next door.
So, a few months ago, several scientific studies were correlated to pinpoint this whole fear thing. Mostly the research has to do with conservatives vs. liberals, but I think those are the wrong labels. Some people have a bigger right amygdala - which monitors fear, and others have a larger anterior cingulate cortex, which monitors ambiguity. If your amygdala is larger, you are more frightened. If your anterior cingulate cortex is bigger, you are better at handling ambiguity. People who are afraid need more controls, people who aren't bothered by uncertainty need fewer controls.
The studies explain that amygdalites (I made that up, it's shorthand for "people with larger amygdalas) are more concerned with self-preservation: what is best for ME (and mine), whereas cingulates (shorthand for people with larger anterior cingulate cortexes) are more focused on what is best for all, even if that means that the result isn't necessarily in their own personal best interest.
Cingulates pass out free water in a drought, while amygdalites hide their water rather than share it. Those who sell it for four times the usual price are probably people with relatively equal amygdala / cingulate sizing. They get the water to people who need it, but make sure they also benefit from the distribution. Yes, I do know that those sharing the water benefit, but that is more cerebral / spiritual than tangible.
Politically, cingulates are more likely to say 'let's move forward, do things differently' and amygdalites are more likely to say 'let's go back to how it used to be'.
Innovators and traditionalists. Since not all change is good, and humans are mostly wired to maintain status quo, tradition is pretty strong stuff. But not all tradition is good, and if we didn't change the status quo, quite frankly, we'd all be cavemen. Innovation is vital. Without it, no one would be voting at all - at the very least we'd have small tribes run by the meanest dude in town. 'How it used to be' sucked.
None of the studies discussed whether people can affect the size of their amygdalas and anterior cingulate cortexes. Can we, by practicing creativity exercises and adapting to change, enlarge our anterior cingulate cortex? By giving in to fear or worry, can we cause the right amygdala to grow?
I do know that if you fear something - heights, for example - you can learn to overcome that or you can let it take over. You can climb one rung higher on a ladder daily, until you reach the roof, or you can cling to the handrail and descend the stairs with trepidation. I know that if you don't push back against fear, fear pushes in on you.
Fear is that nightmare room where the walls close in on you. It's scary to do new things and to push yourself to do things you fear, but doing so expands the space you have to live in. Expanding your own world makes the world bigger for everyone else too. I'm not suggesting everyone throw all caution to the wind, just that we all try to do something new each day, even something tiny, so that none of feel the need to constrain others simply because we're afraid of change.
Monday, October 15, 2012
It is time to Reclaim America for the American People
I'm frightened by the number of Americans who don't see what is going on in the Republican Party. They manipulate emotions by pressing heavily on their pet buzzword "socialist". Yet what they are offering is to remove our individual freedoms: the right to vote, the right to have a legally recognized partnership with any consenting adult, the right to choose when and whether you will have children, the right of access to unbiased reporting uncontrolled by the government.
In the name of Corporate Personhood, they've destroyed our banking system by allowing banks to get into credit, and creditors to jack up interest rates over late payments that have nothing to do with the creditor. They allowed sub-prime loans and finance institutions ran wild giving interest only loans to people who did not understand what they were being sold.
In the false name of Voter Fraud, they are stripping 'undesirable' Americans of the right to vote. Undesirable, because those Americans aren't predominately Republican. What makes people think it will stop there? Once they get away with denying one demographic, they'll simply move on to add another and another, until once again it is only rich, white males who are allowed to vote.
In the name of Sanctity of Marriage, they - and many Americans - wish to deny same sex unions the same privileges that man/woman unions receive under the law. What gives anyone the right to say who can marry whom? Didn't we do away with that with Loving vs. Virginia? Are we really willing to go backwards in some weird belief that if Bob and Larry get the same tax breaks Mike and Lisa get, the sky will fall on us? I wish people would think that forward a bit. How would any of us like it if the government said you can't marry that person because your eyes are different colors or your religion is different, or your ancestors came from different countries? You can't marry at all, because you're not one of Us, you're not good enough.
I can't believe there is a woman in the country who thinks anyone else should have the right to tell her she MUST have children, even if she can't possibly feed them, even if she was raped by her father, even if she is likely to die if she carries a child to term. Yet there apparently are women who believe those things, I can tell because they are supporting the very men who have made those comments in this election. I can tell because every Republican woman in the country did not walk away from the Republican Party. I know they find Democrats abhorrent, but they don't have to become Dems. If we can have a Tea Party, we can have a SHE Party.
It is time to stand up and protect our rights. We are guaranteed freedom of speech so that we cannot be punished for disagreeing with the government. Freedom of the Press, so that our reporters can make certain we know what the government is up to. Do you see either of those?
Much of the media is owned by conglomerates that only allow their version of the news. When our elected representatives removed the restrictions that prevented Media conglomerates, they deprived us of multiple viewpoints. When the Bush campaign restricted access to campaign appearances to their chosen few, they denied us freedom of speech. You can disagree with the candidate, but not here. When Bush allowed only approved reported to cover his wars, he denied freedom of the press.
It is time that the American public recognized reality. We have allowed too many rights to be eroded. We no longer have a right to a reasonable expectation of privacy.The government doesn't even need to show probably cause, all they have to do is play the 'suspected terrorist' card and they can do whatever they want. Even something as innocent as forgetting to carry your driver's license can get you placed in the suspect file.
Terrorism and Socialism - those are the strings the puppet masters pull and America dances. Yet hardly anyone seems to be afraid of the true threat - the incessant erosion of our rights. We have:
Starting today, evaluate what the politicians tell you. Fact check the advertisements -all of them, not just the ones on the "other side". Demand truth and transparency from the candidates and the government and if you don't get it, vote against them.
I'm talking to the 37% who don't think they are part of the 47% Romney disparaged. If you have ever had a student loan, a tax refund, an SBA loan, flown on an airplane, traveled on an interstate highway, been protected by an American soldier,or any one of hundreds of other things we take for granted every single day then you have benefitted from government programs. We are ALL the 47% of Americans that Romney denigrates. His defense of that speech was that he was just telling his rich patrons what they wanted to hear. Why does anyone think he's not doing exactly the same thing to the American public?
The argument against Obama seems to be that he hasn't fixed the economy yet. Improvements don't matter - people want back everything they lost and more, and they want it yesterday. Only, how many individuals have managed to fix their own personal financial woes? Why not? Oh, did you say 'it takes time'? And a little cooperation from banks and creditors? Yes it does, for us. For the President it also takes cooperation from Congress and the Senate, and that has been sadly lacking. So go elect representatives who will put aside partisan bickering and work together to find solutions. You know, people who care about the citizens of this country, not just about getting richer.
In the name of Corporate Personhood, they've destroyed our banking system by allowing banks to get into credit, and creditors to jack up interest rates over late payments that have nothing to do with the creditor. They allowed sub-prime loans and finance institutions ran wild giving interest only loans to people who did not understand what they were being sold.
In the false name of Voter Fraud, they are stripping 'undesirable' Americans of the right to vote. Undesirable, because those Americans aren't predominately Republican. What makes people think it will stop there? Once they get away with denying one demographic, they'll simply move on to add another and another, until once again it is only rich, white males who are allowed to vote.
In the name of Sanctity of Marriage, they - and many Americans - wish to deny same sex unions the same privileges that man/woman unions receive under the law. What gives anyone the right to say who can marry whom? Didn't we do away with that with Loving vs. Virginia? Are we really willing to go backwards in some weird belief that if Bob and Larry get the same tax breaks Mike and Lisa get, the sky will fall on us? I wish people would think that forward a bit. How would any of us like it if the government said you can't marry that person because your eyes are different colors or your religion is different, or your ancestors came from different countries? You can't marry at all, because you're not one of Us, you're not good enough.
I can't believe there is a woman in the country who thinks anyone else should have the right to tell her she MUST have children, even if she can't possibly feed them, even if she was raped by her father, even if she is likely to die if she carries a child to term. Yet there apparently are women who believe those things, I can tell because they are supporting the very men who have made those comments in this election. I can tell because every Republican woman in the country did not walk away from the Republican Party. I know they find Democrats abhorrent, but they don't have to become Dems. If we can have a Tea Party, we can have a SHE Party.
It is time to stand up and protect our rights. We are guaranteed freedom of speech so that we cannot be punished for disagreeing with the government. Freedom of the Press, so that our reporters can make certain we know what the government is up to. Do you see either of those?
Much of the media is owned by conglomerates that only allow their version of the news. When our elected representatives removed the restrictions that prevented Media conglomerates, they deprived us of multiple viewpoints. When the Bush campaign restricted access to campaign appearances to their chosen few, they denied us freedom of speech. You can disagree with the candidate, but not here. When Bush allowed only approved reported to cover his wars, he denied freedom of the press.
It is time that the American public recognized reality. We have allowed too many rights to be eroded. We no longer have a right to a reasonable expectation of privacy.The government doesn't even need to show probably cause, all they have to do is play the 'suspected terrorist' card and they can do whatever they want. Even something as innocent as forgetting to carry your driver's license can get you placed in the suspect file.
Terrorism and Socialism - those are the strings the puppet masters pull and America dances. Yet hardly anyone seems to be afraid of the true threat - the incessant erosion of our rights. We have:
- The right to speak freely, whether the government likes it or not, whether anyone likes it or not.
- The right to truth from the media, without government interference or controll.
- The right to bear arms. Nothing in that says we shouldn't register those arms or that we should each have enough guns to start our own army. And the right to bear arms isn't the same as the right to use those arms to manipulate others.
- The right to chose our own religion or absence thereof. Even Muslims and Satanists and Mormons.
- The right to a speedy trial. Not the right to a speedy trial unless the government decided you might have terrorist connections.
- The right to a trial by jury. Not the right to a trial by jury unless the government decided you might be connected to terrorism.
Starting today, evaluate what the politicians tell you. Fact check the advertisements -all of them, not just the ones on the "other side". Demand truth and transparency from the candidates and the government and if you don't get it, vote against them.
I'm talking to the 37% who don't think they are part of the 47% Romney disparaged. If you have ever had a student loan, a tax refund, an SBA loan, flown on an airplane, traveled on an interstate highway, been protected by an American soldier,or any one of hundreds of other things we take for granted every single day then you have benefitted from government programs. We are ALL the 47% of Americans that Romney denigrates. His defense of that speech was that he was just telling his rich patrons what they wanted to hear. Why does anyone think he's not doing exactly the same thing to the American public?
The argument against Obama seems to be that he hasn't fixed the economy yet. Improvements don't matter - people want back everything they lost and more, and they want it yesterday. Only, how many individuals have managed to fix their own personal financial woes? Why not? Oh, did you say 'it takes time'? And a little cooperation from banks and creditors? Yes it does, for us. For the President it also takes cooperation from Congress and the Senate, and that has been sadly lacking. So go elect representatives who will put aside partisan bickering and work together to find solutions. You know, people who care about the citizens of this country, not just about getting richer.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Depth Perception
When I was a little girl,perhaps 8 or 9 years old, I drew a picture of a bridge over a river. There was something wrong with the picture, but I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I asked my mother and she said "There's nothing wrong with it! It's beautiful"
That made me angry. I thought my mother was lying to me.
Many years later, I came across that picture and immediately knew the perspective was off on the bridge. Again, I was annoyed with my mother for not telling me the truth when I asked her all those years ago. Now, it happens that my mother was blind in one eye and had double vision in the other. I 'knew' that, but I didn't grasp what it meant.
Cross your eyes. That's how the world looked to my mother. Now imagine that you're seeing that out of only one eye. Do you know what happens? It's flat. Depth perception requires stereo vision. My mother saw the world as two flat images overlapping one another. She couldn't see that the perspective on the bridge was off because she had no depth perception.
She spent her life seeing two of everything and aiming at the space in between them. If she looked at you, she saw one to the left and one to the right and if she wanted to touch you she had to aim at the space between the two images.
I'm working on a book. Like the bridge in that drawing, it is off and I don't know how. I keep looking at it, I know it's off, I can feel it. I just can't pinpoint the problem. The information is good, the process works, so it must be the presentation. Except it isn't the presentation or, if it is, I can't find the thing that is causing the presentation to fail.
There was a good 20 years between drawing that picture and seeing it again to recognize the problem. Another 10+ years passed before I understood that depth perception required two properly functioning eyes. Yes, it took me over 40 years to understand how the world actually looked to my mother.
It still amazes me, taking my vision for granted, that she managed to move so smoothly through a world where everything she saw was where she didn't see it. She literally lived her life 'reading between the lines'.
I'm hoping it doesn't take me as long to see what is in the book, and to see where it isn't. I'm trying to read between the lines to find what ought to be there and bring it forward.
Many years later, I came across that picture and immediately knew the perspective was off on the bridge. Again, I was annoyed with my mother for not telling me the truth when I asked her all those years ago. Now, it happens that my mother was blind in one eye and had double vision in the other. I 'knew' that, but I didn't grasp what it meant.
Cross your eyes. That's how the world looked to my mother. Now imagine that you're seeing that out of only one eye. Do you know what happens? It's flat. Depth perception requires stereo vision. My mother saw the world as two flat images overlapping one another. She couldn't see that the perspective on the bridge was off because she had no depth perception.
She spent her life seeing two of everything and aiming at the space in between them. If she looked at you, she saw one to the left and one to the right and if she wanted to touch you she had to aim at the space between the two images.
I'm working on a book. Like the bridge in that drawing, it is off and I don't know how. I keep looking at it, I know it's off, I can feel it. I just can't pinpoint the problem. The information is good, the process works, so it must be the presentation. Except it isn't the presentation or, if it is, I can't find the thing that is causing the presentation to fail.
There was a good 20 years between drawing that picture and seeing it again to recognize the problem. Another 10+ years passed before I understood that depth perception required two properly functioning eyes. Yes, it took me over 40 years to understand how the world actually looked to my mother.
It still amazes me, taking my vision for granted, that she managed to move so smoothly through a world where everything she saw was where she didn't see it. She literally lived her life 'reading between the lines'.
I'm hoping it doesn't take me as long to see what is in the book, and to see where it isn't. I'm trying to read between the lines to find what ought to be there and bring it forward.
Friday, August 24, 2012
This'll get you thinking too...
This is a wonderfully thought provoking book, available on Amazon. 100-WHATS of CREATIVITY
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
The Five Most Important Things You Need to Know about Living Your Passion
You need to be doing what you are passionate about, but how do you know what that is? Your passion is that thing you do that makes every one around you light up. Your passion is the thing people come to YOU for. I have a couple of things that applies to: sharing what I know and making connections between diverse concepts. Add those together and you can see why I teach creativity!
I get excited by new things, I have to figure out how they did that, and when I figure it out, I tell everyone. I want to know why people do what they do, so I try to understand that. I want to know everything (nearly) and then I want to make everything into something else. So, I teach creativity.
With that in mind, what do people come to you for? Is it auto restoration advice? Cooking tips? Relationship advice? Help picking out the perfect outfit? How to get better at a sport? And when they come, what topic makes you drop everything and answer? That's your passion. And if you're doing something related to your passion, then you shine almost effortlessly and you glow because your soul is on fire!
There's a couple things you have to know about living your passion. First it takes courage. It takes courage because so few people actually do it that when you start, you're like an alien at a good ole boy convention. You get some folk nattering at you to stick to the safe, predictable job you already have. You get some folk telling you are setting yourself up for failure. You get some folk telling you that you're depriving your family of stability. So, it takes a hell of a lot of courage to stick to your convictions and do what makes you happy.
Second, it takes courage. Yes, I said courage again. Because you have to break your bonds. You have to go out on a limb - just a little, but still. You have to start. And starting anything new is scary as hell, even if you want it so bad you'd die for it. So, you have to step out of your comfort zone and we need to talk about that. What is your comfort zone?
It's the RUT you've been running around in for years. It's the circle you've carved into the ground with your daily, monthly, yearly routine. It's not really a comfortable place, it's just what you're used to. So, you've got to climb up out of that rut and look at a new horizon. And this is where it all gets a little hairy. Because the rut is easy but it isn't the least bit comfortable, and your real comfort - the place where you'll be happiest and most fulfilled - comes from living your passion, which we already admitted is a scary place to head for.
But this is the most important thing I can tell you, so listen up: Your true comfort zone is your passion.
What is comfort? If your clothes are comfortable, they fit well, right? If you comfort someone, you make them feel better. If you live comfortably, your needs are fulfilled. And what about your passion? It fits you, doesn't it? And you feel happier when you are actively engaged in your passion, don't you? And, yes, you are fulfilled at those times when you are involved with something you love doing, aren't you?
Your Passion IS your true Comfort Zone. Going there will bring you joy and satisfaction. So go. Your passion awaits.
I get excited by new things, I have to figure out how they did that, and when I figure it out, I tell everyone. I want to know why people do what they do, so I try to understand that. I want to know everything (nearly) and then I want to make everything into something else. So, I teach creativity.
With that in mind, what do people come to you for? Is it auto restoration advice? Cooking tips? Relationship advice? Help picking out the perfect outfit? How to get better at a sport? And when they come, what topic makes you drop everything and answer? That's your passion. And if you're doing something related to your passion, then you shine almost effortlessly and you glow because your soul is on fire!
There's a couple things you have to know about living your passion. First it takes courage. It takes courage because so few people actually do it that when you start, you're like an alien at a good ole boy convention. You get some folk nattering at you to stick to the safe, predictable job you already have. You get some folk telling you are setting yourself up for failure. You get some folk telling you that you're depriving your family of stability. So, it takes a hell of a lot of courage to stick to your convictions and do what makes you happy.
Second, it takes courage. Yes, I said courage again. Because you have to break your bonds. You have to go out on a limb - just a little, but still. You have to start. And starting anything new is scary as hell, even if you want it so bad you'd die for it. So, you have to step out of your comfort zone and we need to talk about that. What is your comfort zone?
It's the RUT you've been running around in for years. It's the circle you've carved into the ground with your daily, monthly, yearly routine. It's not really a comfortable place, it's just what you're used to. So, you've got to climb up out of that rut and look at a new horizon. And this is where it all gets a little hairy. Because the rut is easy but it isn't the least bit comfortable, and your real comfort - the place where you'll be happiest and most fulfilled - comes from living your passion, which we already admitted is a scary place to head for.
But this is the most important thing I can tell you, so listen up: Your true comfort zone is your passion.
What is comfort? If your clothes are comfortable, they fit well, right? If you comfort someone, you make them feel better. If you live comfortably, your needs are fulfilled. And what about your passion? It fits you, doesn't it? And you feel happier when you are actively engaged in your passion, don't you? And, yes, you are fulfilled at those times when you are involved with something you love doing, aren't you?
Your Passion IS your true Comfort Zone. Going there will bring you joy and satisfaction. So go. Your passion awaits.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Fear of Anonymity and Fear of Recognition
I was reading a post about creativity blocks. The number one block listed was fear of ridicule, which, ahem, got me thinking...
I'm not particularly afraid of ridicule. I don't like it, but I guess I've been exposed to enough critique of my artwork to know that some people are just going to hate what I do and others will love it. What I realized is that I'm afraid no one will notice and I'm afraid they will notice. Say what? you may ask. I'll explain.
I write this blog aware that about 2 people ever read it. I had a grand opening for a business once - two people came, one of whom is probably reading this blog (Thanks, Phyllis!) I know a lot of people who have held some event and worried that no one would come. I've actually experienced that, which should explain the fear of anonymity!
In a weird way, I'm used to going unnoticed, so I'm also not used to much attention being focused on me. In some ways, that's very liberating. Oddly, I can stand up in front of 400 people and talk, no problem. But let heads turn when I walk into a room and it terrifies me.
The end result is about the same as if I were afraid of being ridiculed for my efforts. I have wonderful ideas and I put those into action, but I have no idea how to get them out into the world. I don't have that infinite network of friends and associates that seems to help other people launch. I'm afraid to say Hey, semi-stranger, what do you think about this? because first, I am afraid they won't respond and, second, I'm afraid they will!
Maybe that translates to fear of rejection? I'm afraid they won't respond, that they'll dismiss me as not worthy of their time and attention. And if they do respond, I'm afraid they'll decide they needn't have bothered. What makes that all totally whacked (instead of just somewhat whacked) is that I'm not at all afraid that they'll reject my work. My work is valid. It's my worth I doubt.
The blog post I linked to above, the beast that started this introspection, is short and to the point. It made me think. Perhaps the revelation it caused will make me grow. Knowing, as they say, is half the battle - but acting on what you know - that's the hard part.
I'm not particularly afraid of ridicule. I don't like it, but I guess I've been exposed to enough critique of my artwork to know that some people are just going to hate what I do and others will love it. What I realized is that I'm afraid no one will notice and I'm afraid they will notice. Say what? you may ask. I'll explain.
I write this blog aware that about 2 people ever read it. I had a grand opening for a business once - two people came, one of whom is probably reading this blog (Thanks, Phyllis!) I know a lot of people who have held some event and worried that no one would come. I've actually experienced that, which should explain the fear of anonymity!
In a weird way, I'm used to going unnoticed, so I'm also not used to much attention being focused on me. In some ways, that's very liberating. Oddly, I can stand up in front of 400 people and talk, no problem. But let heads turn when I walk into a room and it terrifies me.
The end result is about the same as if I were afraid of being ridiculed for my efforts. I have wonderful ideas and I put those into action, but I have no idea how to get them out into the world. I don't have that infinite network of friends and associates that seems to help other people launch. I'm afraid to say Hey, semi-stranger, what do you think about this? because first, I am afraid they won't respond and, second, I'm afraid they will!
Maybe that translates to fear of rejection? I'm afraid they won't respond, that they'll dismiss me as not worthy of their time and attention. And if they do respond, I'm afraid they'll decide they needn't have bothered. What makes that all totally whacked (instead of just somewhat whacked) is that I'm not at all afraid that they'll reject my work. My work is valid. It's my worth I doubt.
The blog post I linked to above, the beast that started this introspection, is short and to the point. It made me think. Perhaps the revelation it caused will make me grow. Knowing, as they say, is half the battle - but acting on what you know - that's the hard part.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
What if I Fail?
There is a difference between 'failure' and 'lack of success'. Failure is only possible if:
a) You don't start.
b) You give up.
c) You don't learn from whatever goes wrong.
You can have a lack of success and still succeed. If you take up portrait drawing, your first nose is likely to be horrendous. If you decide right then that you suck and never draw another nose, you failed. If you decide not to try to draw because you've heard that noses are hard, you failed. If you keep drawing bad noses and never try to figure out why they're bad, you failed.
On the other hand, if you decide to try in spite of your fears, you succeeded. If you draw 1000 bad noses and finally decide to figure out why they are bad, you succeeded. Even if never get so good at noses that you can get them right on the first try, and they're so realistic they seem to come right off the page, you improved because tried.
Endeavor is a sphere, not a circle. There isn't an inside and an outside, success or failure. There are all degrees of both. You could succeed at portraiture, but fail to become famous because you never showed a single piece to anyone. You could be an okay portrait artist and make tons of money because overtime you sketched a stranger on the street, you showed them the sketch and sold it to them for a few dollars. If you are doing something you are succeeding. Failure and Success are not opposites. They are degrees of endeavor.
Now, I said above that b) giving up is failure, but it isn't always failure. Sometimes giving up is success. If you realize in the middle of doing that you actually hate what you're doing, or that something else is honestly more fulfilling, then stopping the less ideal behavior in favor of the more ideal behavior is success. You don't have to soldier on just because you started something, but unless you are trading off for something more rewarding (or less damaging) continuing is usually more beneficial.
I started an art glass business, which did pretty well for a few years, then basically tanked. Part of the tanking was the economy, part of it was my own lack of dedication. I just didn't want to put in the necessary effort to keep it going. I learned a lot from it though, so I don't consider it a failure.
I learned that I am good at sales if I believe in the product. I learned that I love designing what the client wants. I learned that I have the courage to admit mistakes and the ability to fix them. I learned that I love being an artist and I hate record keeping. I also learned that record keeping is vital, so I did it even though I hated it.
The biggest success from my art glass business was more confidence in myself. I am an artist, and being an artist actually expanded my creativity. I learned that artistry is everywhere, and I learned that a lot of people think they aren't creative and wish they were. Since I also love teaching, closing my art glass business opened a door that delights me - teaching creativity. And the most important thing I can teach you is that you cannot possibly fail as long as you do something toward fulfilling your true self.
a) You don't start.
b) You give up.
c) You don't learn from whatever goes wrong.
You can have a lack of success and still succeed. If you take up portrait drawing, your first nose is likely to be horrendous. If you decide right then that you suck and never draw another nose, you failed. If you decide not to try to draw because you've heard that noses are hard, you failed. If you keep drawing bad noses and never try to figure out why they're bad, you failed.
On the other hand, if you decide to try in spite of your fears, you succeeded. If you draw 1000 bad noses and finally decide to figure out why they are bad, you succeeded. Even if never get so good at noses that you can get them right on the first try, and they're so realistic they seem to come right off the page, you improved because tried.
Endeavor is a sphere, not a circle. There isn't an inside and an outside, success or failure. There are all degrees of both. You could succeed at portraiture, but fail to become famous because you never showed a single piece to anyone. You could be an okay portrait artist and make tons of money because overtime you sketched a stranger on the street, you showed them the sketch and sold it to them for a few dollars. If you are doing something you are succeeding. Failure and Success are not opposites. They are degrees of endeavor.
Now, I said above that b) giving up is failure, but it isn't always failure. Sometimes giving up is success. If you realize in the middle of doing that you actually hate what you're doing, or that something else is honestly more fulfilling, then stopping the less ideal behavior in favor of the more ideal behavior is success. You don't have to soldier on just because you started something, but unless you are trading off for something more rewarding (or less damaging) continuing is usually more beneficial.
I started an art glass business, which did pretty well for a few years, then basically tanked. Part of the tanking was the economy, part of it was my own lack of dedication. I just didn't want to put in the necessary effort to keep it going. I learned a lot from it though, so I don't consider it a failure.
I learned that I am good at sales if I believe in the product. I learned that I love designing what the client wants. I learned that I have the courage to admit mistakes and the ability to fix them. I learned that I love being an artist and I hate record keeping. I also learned that record keeping is vital, so I did it even though I hated it.
The biggest success from my art glass business was more confidence in myself. I am an artist, and being an artist actually expanded my creativity. I learned that artistry is everywhere, and I learned that a lot of people think they aren't creative and wish they were. Since I also love teaching, closing my art glass business opened a door that delights me - teaching creativity. And the most important thing I can teach you is that you cannot possibly fail as long as you do something toward fulfilling your true self.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
CaveDude and the Creative Spark
Are you afraid that people will laugh at your ideas? Guess
what? You’re right. There will always be people who laugh at you, whether you
do anything or not. Some people will dis you for sharing ideas; others dis you
for not sharing them. They don’t matter. Seriously, the people who put others
down – they are just trying to fulfill a need of their own – the need to feel
less inferior. Yes, I said less inferior, not superior. It’s almost the same
thing. Some folk desperately need to be better than others, but most just want
to feel equal. They want to be ‘as good as’.
Some people will give you an honest assessment of your
ideas. Often that starts with ‘that won’t work because….’ You have options.
Ignore them. Listen to them. Listen, then resolve the buts. If the ‘because’ is a valid point, work it
out. Imagine CaveDude making a wheelbarrow to haul home the mastodon. CaveBuddy
says ‘That won’t work, squares don’t roll.’ Valid. Round rolls. Problem
resolved, roll that mastodon home and fire up the grill. CaveDude could have
ignored this, discovered his idea didn’t work, and dragged the mastodon home
the old way. He could have listened, said ‘Duh!’ and given up right then. Not
our guy. He figured out how to roll.
That is what creativity is – finding a solution. CaveDude
had options. Rocks are roundish. Lay the mastodon on rocks and push (or pull.)
When you get to the edge of the rocks, run the rocks at the back up to the
front and repeat. Sounds like more work than just dragging the beast home,
doesn’t it? Trees are roundish too. Cut down a bunch of trees and – well, that
works the same way the rocks did. Inventing the wheel took a lot of trial and
error. A lot of work goes into the failures and almost-ran’s. Persistence and
creative thinking invented the wheel. You know CaveDude’s people were
persistent. They had to be to get that mastodon home. They had to be creative
too, to figure out an effective way of hunting and killing something that could
just stomp them to death.
That is what fuels creativity – need. Sure, they could wait
around for an animal to get killed or die on its own. Hungry waiting and a lot
of competition for the meat from other carnivores. Better to figure out how to
get meat without waiting for something to keel over spontaneously. Hmmm. Sneak
up on the mastodon while it sleeps and club it to death. That probably worked some of the time, but I
bet most of the time the mastodon woke up and stomped him some CaveDudes. CaveBuddy,
watching from over there must have decided distance was good. He probably threw
rocks, which would have just made the mastodon mad most of the time. Stomp. Try
a sharp stick. Hey, not bad. Just stay out of the way while the beast rampages
himself to death, then fetch the meat. Except, well, there went more CaveDudes
lost in the rampage. More distance… yeah.
Hunting techniques evolved through necessity. Can you
imagine how CaveDude would have reacted if MusketDude had suddenly appeared and
shot the mastodon? KABOOM, plop. On the other hand, what if CaveBuddy had
described his idea for a stick that fired rock-sized projectiles at the
mastodon from a distance? CaveDude would have thwacked CaveBuddy upside the
head and grunted the equivalent of “You moron, lay off the freaking mushrooms,
will ya?!”
Is there a point to all this? You bet yer sweet bippy there
is. Let ‘em laugh. You go right ahead
and innovate, CaveBuddy. The world needs more folk like you.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Elemental Journey: Can you trace your soul's evolution through time?
There is art work and music that speaks to me, and there is artwork and music that leaves me cold. Native American music makes my teeth itch. The artworks baffle me. That bear doesn't say 'bear' to me. I love the idea of the totem pole, but not so much the carvings on it. On the other hand, the first time I heard bagpipes, I was transported. I knew instantly what they were and I loved them. Uilleann pipes touch something inside that vibrates and spins. Celtic knots thrill me, Celtic crosses delight me.
Both of these cultures are part of my genetic make-up, yet only one speaks to me. Is that because the European influence is more deeply engraved through multiple existences? Did I, perhaps, experience more incarnations along that particular path? What really got me thinking was Cycladic carvings. I don't like most 'primitive' art. Fertility sculptures, Egyptian hieroglyphs, these all strike me as kindergarten doodling. I look at them and wonder how a culture could fail to evolve artistically for ages on end. How is it that the faces never got more realistic? The carvings remained exaggerated.
Realistically, the carvings are religious icons so changing them would be bizarre. That makes me think perhaps I traveled a more interpretive path. Hieroglyphs didn't change because they are written language, but it still seems like there should have been stylistic representations of a calligraphic nature. Neither of these ancient art forms seem artistic to me because there aren't variations on the themes.
Looking at Cycladic sculptures, I was instantly smitten. They are primitive; no facial detail, not a lot of variation on the basic pose. These are thought to be funereal carvings, found in graves with no eyes or mouth and arms folded across the body. They have different head shapes, some have wide shoulders, some not. Some are clearly tall people, others are more petite. These feel like art to me, individual expressions rather than carbon copies. Clean lines, soft curves.
Then I considered architecture. I love the clean lines of Greek architecture, and the arches of Gothic cathedrals, but not Japanese architectural lines or the stalactite-like garishness of Italianate cathedrals. I adore the curvaceousness of mud huts and cob houses, that sort of man-made cave feeling, but not the fluid lines of India's temples.
Trace a line on a map, from the earliest arts and architectures I like, through to today, and you trace a line from Greek Islands, across Europe to the British Isles. Through the British Isles from Wales, into Ireland, to Scotland. A specific route, with the Scottish influences being the strongest of the three, so I suspect that to be the most recent 'incarnation period' for me.
The entire concept pleases me in a way that feels right, like a tiny epiphany. In a way, it's like looking at a face in the crowd in a photograph from the past and suddenly realizing the face is your own. Finding bits and pieces that come together to make an unexpected whole. This is how I came to be who I am, this is the path I traveled, these are the peoples I knew, those are the experiences I had.
If you traced a path back in time, through art, architecture, music, even belief, where would you find yourself? Would you find yourself? Would something suddenly make sense that never did before? Could the path ahead become more visible if you knew the path behind? It all makes me think of a song from the 70's:
"Do you know where you're going to?...Do you know what you're hoping for? When you look behind you there's no open door, what are you hoping for? Do you know?" (Theme from Mahogany, Performed by Dianna Ross, written by Michael Masser and Gerry Goffen)
Comments welcome.
Both of these cultures are part of my genetic make-up, yet only one speaks to me. Is that because the European influence is more deeply engraved through multiple existences? Did I, perhaps, experience more incarnations along that particular path? What really got me thinking was Cycladic carvings. I don't like most 'primitive' art. Fertility sculptures, Egyptian hieroglyphs, these all strike me as kindergarten doodling. I look at them and wonder how a culture could fail to evolve artistically for ages on end. How is it that the faces never got more realistic? The carvings remained exaggerated.
Realistically, the carvings are religious icons so changing them would be bizarre. That makes me think perhaps I traveled a more interpretive path. Hieroglyphs didn't change because they are written language, but it still seems like there should have been stylistic representations of a calligraphic nature. Neither of these ancient art forms seem artistic to me because there aren't variations on the themes.
Looking at Cycladic sculptures, I was instantly smitten. They are primitive; no facial detail, not a lot of variation on the basic pose. These are thought to be funereal carvings, found in graves with no eyes or mouth and arms folded across the body. They have different head shapes, some have wide shoulders, some not. Some are clearly tall people, others are more petite. These feel like art to me, individual expressions rather than carbon copies. Clean lines, soft curves.
Then I considered architecture. I love the clean lines of Greek architecture, and the arches of Gothic cathedrals, but not Japanese architectural lines or the stalactite-like garishness of Italianate cathedrals. I adore the curvaceousness of mud huts and cob houses, that sort of man-made cave feeling, but not the fluid lines of India's temples.
Trace a line on a map, from the earliest arts and architectures I like, through to today, and you trace a line from Greek Islands, across Europe to the British Isles. Through the British Isles from Wales, into Ireland, to Scotland. A specific route, with the Scottish influences being the strongest of the three, so I suspect that to be the most recent 'incarnation period' for me.
The entire concept pleases me in a way that feels right, like a tiny epiphany. In a way, it's like looking at a face in the crowd in a photograph from the past and suddenly realizing the face is your own. Finding bits and pieces that come together to make an unexpected whole. This is how I came to be who I am, this is the path I traveled, these are the peoples I knew, those are the experiences I had.
If you traced a path back in time, through art, architecture, music, even belief, where would you find yourself? Would you find yourself? Would something suddenly make sense that never did before? Could the path ahead become more visible if you knew the path behind? It all makes me think of a song from the 70's:
"Do you know where you're going to?...Do you know what you're hoping for? When you look behind you there's no open door, what are you hoping for? Do you know?" (Theme from Mahogany, Performed by Dianna Ross, written by Michael Masser and Gerry Goffen)
Comments welcome.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Living Your Passion
Life is hard work, but it shouldn't actually be a struggle. I mean, if you want to succeed at whatever you're doing, you do have to make an effort. I just think that if you're doing the thing that fits your soul, you don't struggle, seeming to never advance. So how do figure out what fits your soul? Supposedly, the things you are most passionate about indicate your true path.
I'm passionate about learning, creating, and teaching. I like learning just about anything, but the things I return to most often are psychology/philosophy in the form of self-improvement and understanding, and making stuff. I like figuring out how something was made. I like seeing if I can make one too. I like seeing what something can become - like seeing a fork as a giraffe, or figures in driftwood. I like sharing what I know or what I think, when it comes to being a better person. Mostly, "better" means happier. Considering these are life-long endeavors that I haven't stopped pursuing, it seems to me that my true path lies in there somewhere.
I could teach arts and crafts. I like doing them, and I like sharing how, and I am inspired by the things other people think up. I offered art glass classes for nearly a year and never had a single taker. I advertised, I made signs, I did demos. Glass classes aren't exactly cheap, but you'd think there would be one person who actually signed up, right? So, I guess that isn't my 'thing' to teach. Now I am considering doing much less expensive craft classes, teaching fun crafts geared toward people who think they aren't creative but wish they were. I think everyone is creative, some people just need a few successes to open up their imaginations. As I gather ideas and plan out strategy, I keep coming back to a list of failures - including the glass classes mentioned above.
Failures. Weird failures, if you ask me:
Anyway, I keep coming back to those failures and others. I'm normally a pretty positive person, but I guess it's not real positivity or I wouldn't keep thinking about things that didn't work. I'm at the point where I desperately want to do something that adds value to the world but I'm fatalistic about ever succeeding! If I offer fun, inexpensive classes, will anyone come? It's worth trying, right? Except trying costs money and I'm just about out of spare change. I spent it all trying!
Another of the things I'd like to do is set up sessions that revolve around life-enhancement programs. I find that one of the best ways to cement what you've learned is to help others learn it too. I also find that such sharing helps to keep me motivated through the hard work of improving myself. By improving, I mean I want to be kinder, forgiving, more positive, I just to be a better person. I believe that if you think negative thoughts (like that list of failures!) you get more negative experiences.
By creating a forum to help others, I would also be helping myself to be closer to what I believe is the human ideal. I believe we have total control over our lives, that our thought processes affect our lives, and that we lose connection with our true selves over time. I think very young children still have the 'magic' and we rob them of it with our negative comments and insistence on conformity. I think many great leaders over many centuries have tried to show us the way back to our true nature and we misunderstand the messages. I believe that the only way to really get back there is by helping others. Provide something they need or want. But it can't just be what they need, it has to also be what you neeeeed.
What does that mean 'it has to also be what you neeeeed'? If you are passionate about math, being a tour guide isn't likely to be fulfilling to you. Likewise, if history is your passion, you aren't likely to enjoy tutoring algebra students. Either one might be capable of the other, but you're less likely to give the same value of service if you aren't following your passion. I think we neeeeed to do the things we are passionate about. I also think that it is pretty common that people have no idea what it is they are passionate about.
I've read a number of blogs and life-improvement books that ask the question "If money and time were no object, what would you choose to do?" That is supposed to give you this lightning insight into what your passions are. Did not work for me. It actually took me 49 years to figure out what I am passionate about. Why? I think it is because we aren't taught to follow our passions, we're told to get a good paying job.
I knew a college student several years back who was majoring in accounting and minoring in criminal justice. I asked why that combination. He said accounting was boring but pays really well, and criminal justice is fascinating but pays poorly. How happy do you think he'll be working only for money? I know, many people do exactly that. How many of them are actually happy? I know a lot of people who make a lot of money. Many of them dread Mondays. A lot of them have no energy left at the end of the week. I hear a lot of 'I hate my job' and when I ask why they do it, they say they can't afford to do anything else. When I ask what they would do if they could, few people have any ideas. I think that is because they don't believe they will ever have the option to do anything else. Their optimism for life has been dulled by following a path that isn't suited to them. They don't neeeeed to be doing what ever the job is, they just need the money it brings.
There has to be a way to have both your soul needs and monetary needs met. Some people manage to work at a job for pay and spend the rest of their time doing something they truly love, but what I mean is that you ought to be able to get paid for what you love doing. That's an ideal we hear a lot about. Figure out what you love, do it, and the money will automatically follow. Well, not quite. At least, not for most people. Artists and writers would all have all the money they could possibly need if that were true. No parent would ever say 'I know you love knitting socks, but knitting socks won't earn you a living wage.'
I love learning about human nature, spiritual mastery, and how to make practically anything. I love training new coworkers, teaching people how to do anything I know how to do, and discussing the wonders and mysteries of man and the universe. Surely there is a way to do those things and earn a decent living too.
I'm passionate about learning, creating, and teaching. I like learning just about anything, but the things I return to most often are psychology/philosophy in the form of self-improvement and understanding, and making stuff. I like figuring out how something was made. I like seeing if I can make one too. I like seeing what something can become - like seeing a fork as a giraffe, or figures in driftwood. I like sharing what I know or what I think, when it comes to being a better person. Mostly, "better" means happier. Considering these are life-long endeavors that I haven't stopped pursuing, it seems to me that my true path lies in there somewhere.
I could teach arts and crafts. I like doing them, and I like sharing how, and I am inspired by the things other people think up. I offered art glass classes for nearly a year and never had a single taker. I advertised, I made signs, I did demos. Glass classes aren't exactly cheap, but you'd think there would be one person who actually signed up, right? So, I guess that isn't my 'thing' to teach. Now I am considering doing much less expensive craft classes, teaching fun crafts geared toward people who think they aren't creative but wish they were. I think everyone is creative, some people just need a few successes to open up their imaginations. As I gather ideas and plan out strategy, I keep coming back to a list of failures - including the glass classes mentioned above.
Failures. Weird failures, if you ask me:
- I volunteered for the Red Cross. They asked me to make one sign. That's all. The coordinator literally told me that they didn't actually need any volunteers, but I could make a sign if I wanted to. I made the sign. I wanted to help somehow.
- I also volunteered to help at my local library. They had a backroom overflowing with un-shelved books and not enough hands to re-shelve them. I submitted my application to be a volunteer. On the application, I said that I checked out over 300 books a year so it seemed fair to help get them back onto the shelves. No one ever responded to the application in any way, even when I called to inquire about it. I ended up leaving a message that was never returned.
- I tried to donate a magazine subscription to the library also. Content they didn't have to pay for, I was willing to pay for it since I couldn't seem to give back any other way. I called repeatedly trying to find out how to make the donation. Cash or actual subscription, I didn't care which. I left messages. I went in person to see the head librarian - who was never available whether by phone or in person. No one would or could tell me how to make a small donation to my local library!
- I tried to donate over 1000 snow shovels as a fundraiser item for the local homeless shelter - in winter! At least there I got to talk to someone who said it had to go to committee and they'd get back to me. No one ever did.
Anyway, I keep coming back to those failures and others. I'm normally a pretty positive person, but I guess it's not real positivity or I wouldn't keep thinking about things that didn't work. I'm at the point where I desperately want to do something that adds value to the world but I'm fatalistic about ever succeeding! If I offer fun, inexpensive classes, will anyone come? It's worth trying, right? Except trying costs money and I'm just about out of spare change. I spent it all trying!
Another of the things I'd like to do is set up sessions that revolve around life-enhancement programs. I find that one of the best ways to cement what you've learned is to help others learn it too. I also find that such sharing helps to keep me motivated through the hard work of improving myself. By improving, I mean I want to be kinder, forgiving, more positive, I just to be a better person. I believe that if you think negative thoughts (like that list of failures!) you get more negative experiences.
By creating a forum to help others, I would also be helping myself to be closer to what I believe is the human ideal. I believe we have total control over our lives, that our thought processes affect our lives, and that we lose connection with our true selves over time. I think very young children still have the 'magic' and we rob them of it with our negative comments and insistence on conformity. I think many great leaders over many centuries have tried to show us the way back to our true nature and we misunderstand the messages. I believe that the only way to really get back there is by helping others. Provide something they need or want. But it can't just be what they need, it has to also be what you neeeeed.
What does that mean 'it has to also be what you neeeeed'? If you are passionate about math, being a tour guide isn't likely to be fulfilling to you. Likewise, if history is your passion, you aren't likely to enjoy tutoring algebra students. Either one might be capable of the other, but you're less likely to give the same value of service if you aren't following your passion. I think we neeeeed to do the things we are passionate about. I also think that it is pretty common that people have no idea what it is they are passionate about.
I've read a number of blogs and life-improvement books that ask the question "If money and time were no object, what would you choose to do?" That is supposed to give you this lightning insight into what your passions are. Did not work for me. It actually took me 49 years to figure out what I am passionate about. Why? I think it is because we aren't taught to follow our passions, we're told to get a good paying job.
I knew a college student several years back who was majoring in accounting and minoring in criminal justice. I asked why that combination. He said accounting was boring but pays really well, and criminal justice is fascinating but pays poorly. How happy do you think he'll be working only for money? I know, many people do exactly that. How many of them are actually happy? I know a lot of people who make a lot of money. Many of them dread Mondays. A lot of them have no energy left at the end of the week. I hear a lot of 'I hate my job' and when I ask why they do it, they say they can't afford to do anything else. When I ask what they would do if they could, few people have any ideas. I think that is because they don't believe they will ever have the option to do anything else. Their optimism for life has been dulled by following a path that isn't suited to them. They don't neeeeed to be doing what ever the job is, they just need the money it brings.
There has to be a way to have both your soul needs and monetary needs met. Some people manage to work at a job for pay and spend the rest of their time doing something they truly love, but what I mean is that you ought to be able to get paid for what you love doing. That's an ideal we hear a lot about. Figure out what you love, do it, and the money will automatically follow. Well, not quite. At least, not for most people. Artists and writers would all have all the money they could possibly need if that were true. No parent would ever say 'I know you love knitting socks, but knitting socks won't earn you a living wage.'
I love learning about human nature, spiritual mastery, and how to make practically anything. I love training new coworkers, teaching people how to do anything I know how to do, and discussing the wonders and mysteries of man and the universe. Surely there is a way to do those things and earn a decent living too.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Being more
I suspect that , at some point, everyone feels unloved, unappreciated, mistreated or unfairly judged. I also suspect that the true reason for the feelings is that we've blocked our access to the positive by practicing the negative.
If you want to feel loved, be more loving. Think about what you love about each person in your daily life. There is something in everyone. Maybe there is someone you dislike, you can still find something about that person worthy of respect or admiration. When you get in the habit of finding something good in everyone - especially in those you'd prefer to denigrate - you open yourself to being more loving and therefore more receptive to love. You're not unloved. Someone always loves you, even if you don't see it.
Think of love as a cup filled with water. If you just leave the cup sit, eventually the water goes stale, then becomes stagnant, then brackish. But if you drink of the water, or pour it onto a plant, or give it to a thirsty dog, there is room in the cup for more. You are the cup, love is the water. If you don't pour it out, you can't be refilled with fresh love. Find something to love in each person and you open your soul to love.
Do you feel unappreciated? Most often, when we feel unappreciated, it is one person we are focused on. He doesn't appreciate how hard I work on ____, she doesn't appreciate how much I ____. You fill in the blanks. When you do, take a minute to appreciate something that person does ( or did today) that affects you.
Maybe it's something as simple as they made sure there was coffee in the pot when you arrived, or as complex as seeing your tire was flat and getting it fixed before it inconvenienced you. Maybe it's something they do every day that you take for granted, like a spouse dressing in the bathroom so the light doesn't disturb your sleep, or letting you read the newspaper first because they tend to make a mess of it. There is something. Make a concentrated effort to find it, focus on it, and appreciate it.
Apply this concept to every negative feeling you have. If you feel judged, practice accepting others as they are. If you feel mistreated, practice doing kindnesses for people you don't know or care for. (Of course, be kind to those you love as well, but being kind to strangers and enmities makes you more aware of the kindnesses people do for you. Say thank you when a stranger holds the door!) If you feel lonely, make someone feel welcome.
If you feel anger, practice forgiveness. I've written before about forgiveness, it is a gift that will ease your own miseries immensely. Remember that when you hold a grudge, YOU hold it. It doesn't affect the person you're angry with, it poisons YOU. Forgiveness doesn't mean letting them hurt you again, it simply means you accept that the past is past and will not let the past rule your present.
What ever you feel is lacking in your life, be more of that. Focus on being it, not on getting it.
If you want to feel loved, be more loving. Think about what you love about each person in your daily life. There is something in everyone. Maybe there is someone you dislike, you can still find something about that person worthy of respect or admiration. When you get in the habit of finding something good in everyone - especially in those you'd prefer to denigrate - you open yourself to being more loving and therefore more receptive to love. You're not unloved. Someone always loves you, even if you don't see it.
Think of love as a cup filled with water. If you just leave the cup sit, eventually the water goes stale, then becomes stagnant, then brackish. But if you drink of the water, or pour it onto a plant, or give it to a thirsty dog, there is room in the cup for more. You are the cup, love is the water. If you don't pour it out, you can't be refilled with fresh love. Find something to love in each person and you open your soul to love.
Do you feel unappreciated? Most often, when we feel unappreciated, it is one person we are focused on. He doesn't appreciate how hard I work on ____, she doesn't appreciate how much I ____. You fill in the blanks. When you do, take a minute to appreciate something that person does ( or did today) that affects you.
Maybe it's something as simple as they made sure there was coffee in the pot when you arrived, or as complex as seeing your tire was flat and getting it fixed before it inconvenienced you. Maybe it's something they do every day that you take for granted, like a spouse dressing in the bathroom so the light doesn't disturb your sleep, or letting you read the newspaper first because they tend to make a mess of it. There is something. Make a concentrated effort to find it, focus on it, and appreciate it.
Apply this concept to every negative feeling you have. If you feel judged, practice accepting others as they are. If you feel mistreated, practice doing kindnesses for people you don't know or care for. (Of course, be kind to those you love as well, but being kind to strangers and enmities makes you more aware of the kindnesses people do for you. Say thank you when a stranger holds the door!) If you feel lonely, make someone feel welcome.
If you feel anger, practice forgiveness. I've written before about forgiveness, it is a gift that will ease your own miseries immensely. Remember that when you hold a grudge, YOU hold it. It doesn't affect the person you're angry with, it poisons YOU. Forgiveness doesn't mean letting them hurt you again, it simply means you accept that the past is past and will not let the past rule your present.
What ever you feel is lacking in your life, be more of that. Focus on being it, not on getting it.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Know Your Competition
Do you know who you're competing against? Do you know why?
It doesn't matter if you are in business or involved in a hobby. You're competing with someone. Most businesses are striving to outdo the competition, either in better service, making more money, selling more widgets - possibly all three and more. Most people are doing the same thing, trying to make more money than Bob, have a bigger house, faster car, be a better golfer / artist / tinkerer, have more 'friends' or 'followers', whatever.
Way back in high school, I knew a multi-talented girl. She could draw. She had a beautiful voice. She played half a dozen instruments well and taught violin and piano. She got excellent grades, and she was fun. There were two other girls who each excelled at one of the things Jean did well. Dana was an outstanding soprano. Tina was an outstanding artist.
The animosity between the singers was palpable. They got into arguments, they trash talked about each other, they shared ugly looks in the hallways. They were jealous of each others talent and successes, and reveled in each others failures. Not pretty.
Between the artists, the animosity was all one-way. Jean expressed negativity toward Tina's artwork. Tina said only kind things or gave honest, constructive criticism in a kind manner. Jean might say 'that line looks a bit thick' after searching the work for flaws, and Tina would say 'You might be right, I'll take a closer look.' And if she agreed, Tina would correct the line. However, if Tina pointed out something that might be improved, Jean would snatch away the work and storm off.
Take a few minutes to truly think about who you compete with, on a personal level. Is it possible that either of these scenarios describe your behavior? Just possible, I'm not asking you to admit that you occasionally act like a spoiled child - though almost all of us do, sometimes. Can you think of others who act this way? It is easier to see it when someone else is doing it than when we do it ourselves.
Now let me ask you a few questions:
Is Picasso a better artist than Rembrandt?
Is Pavarotti a better singer than Carrie Underwood?
Is Lamborghini a better car maker than Ferrari?
The honest answer to each is No, one is not 'better' than the other, they're just different.
This is true of every human being alive. You're neither 'better' nor 'worse' than anyone else. You might be smarter than Bob, but Bob is a lot friendlier than you are. You might be friendlier than Tom, but Tom is smarter than you are. Big deal. All those little variances are what make the world wonderful. Even if Tom knows way more stuff than you know, you know something Tom doesn't, and Bob knows something you don't. There are people who like you that dislike Bob. There are people who like Tom but dislike you. Big deal.
Quit competing with the rest of the world. Do you know who you should be in competition with? YOU. See if you can be kinder today than yesterday. See if you can handle this paycheck better than you handled the last one. See if you make a firmer, tastier meatloaf than you made last week. See if you can learn 3 new words this week, and use them properly in conversation. Draw a prettier rose, stitch a straighter line, perform a cleaner oil change, handle an argument more gently, offer a more sincere apology, be more patient with the kids or cat or your spouse than last time.
Simply spend your energies on trying to be a better person than you were five minutes ago instead of trying to outdo someone else. Out do You. Not only will people like you more, You'll like you more. You'll feel happier, get better at the things you do, and be more forgiving of yourself and others.
That's what I learned from Tina.
It doesn't matter if you are in business or involved in a hobby. You're competing with someone. Most businesses are striving to outdo the competition, either in better service, making more money, selling more widgets - possibly all three and more. Most people are doing the same thing, trying to make more money than Bob, have a bigger house, faster car, be a better golfer / artist / tinkerer, have more 'friends' or 'followers', whatever.
Way back in high school, I knew a multi-talented girl. She could draw. She had a beautiful voice. She played half a dozen instruments well and taught violin and piano. She got excellent grades, and she was fun. There were two other girls who each excelled at one of the things Jean did well. Dana was an outstanding soprano. Tina was an outstanding artist.
The animosity between the singers was palpable. They got into arguments, they trash talked about each other, they shared ugly looks in the hallways. They were jealous of each others talent and successes, and reveled in each others failures. Not pretty.
Between the artists, the animosity was all one-way. Jean expressed negativity toward Tina's artwork. Tina said only kind things or gave honest, constructive criticism in a kind manner. Jean might say 'that line looks a bit thick' after searching the work for flaws, and Tina would say 'You might be right, I'll take a closer look.' And if she agreed, Tina would correct the line. However, if Tina pointed out something that might be improved, Jean would snatch away the work and storm off.
Take a few minutes to truly think about who you compete with, on a personal level. Is it possible that either of these scenarios describe your behavior? Just possible, I'm not asking you to admit that you occasionally act like a spoiled child - though almost all of us do, sometimes. Can you think of others who act this way? It is easier to see it when someone else is doing it than when we do it ourselves.
Now let me ask you a few questions:
Is Picasso a better artist than Rembrandt?
Is Pavarotti a better singer than Carrie Underwood?
Is Lamborghini a better car maker than Ferrari?
The honest answer to each is No, one is not 'better' than the other, they're just different.
This is true of every human being alive. You're neither 'better' nor 'worse' than anyone else. You might be smarter than Bob, but Bob is a lot friendlier than you are. You might be friendlier than Tom, but Tom is smarter than you are. Big deal. All those little variances are what make the world wonderful. Even if Tom knows way more stuff than you know, you know something Tom doesn't, and Bob knows something you don't. There are people who like you that dislike Bob. There are people who like Tom but dislike you. Big deal.
Quit competing with the rest of the world. Do you know who you should be in competition with? YOU. See if you can be kinder today than yesterday. See if you can handle this paycheck better than you handled the last one. See if you make a firmer, tastier meatloaf than you made last week. See if you can learn 3 new words this week, and use them properly in conversation. Draw a prettier rose, stitch a straighter line, perform a cleaner oil change, handle an argument more gently, offer a more sincere apology, be more patient with the kids or cat or your spouse than last time.
Simply spend your energies on trying to be a better person than you were five minutes ago instead of trying to outdo someone else. Out do You. Not only will people like you more, You'll like you more. You'll feel happier, get better at the things you do, and be more forgiving of yourself and others.
That's what I learned from Tina.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Math is...
I use basic math in my job daily. An example: 12/307+5/33+ 3/17+/50+3/33 where X is whole and /x is partial, so that equation = 23/540 ./. 60 = 32. Because I use this everyday, I do this in my head. Add this, add that, divide, add the whole to the whole /remainder. (In this example, there was no remainder.) To me, this is elementary. I tried to show a co-worker how to do this because I made my calculations in seconds and her method took about 4.5 minutes (of what appeared to be shear torture.) I confused her as much as dy/dx = tan(y) * cos(4x) (0 < y < pi/2) confuses me.
I think math is fascinating. There are vast quantities of it that leave me lost, confused, and frustrated, but it is still fascinating. Math knows everything. A long historical time ago, we didn't have math. We didn't even have +/-. When we got +/-, it was so the money changers could denote overages and shortages in gold weights. A plug was made to be the balance and gold was weighed against the plug. A match was =, a shortage was noted as -, an overage as +. Eventually those symbols gained names.
Imagine this! Until we had +/-, we had no concept of math. We could tell that xxxx was similar to cccc, and that xxxx was the same as xxxx but different from xxx and xxxxx. We could decide we'd rather have xxxxx, and we'd rather trade xxx to get it, but we couldn't say why that was. When I was a kid, my mother said "I don't understand this new math" so she couldn't help my brother with algebra. Algebra was new when I was young. 1+1 was only several hundred years old, but
was new. With math, we start understanding space and nature. But math is a language, and a lot us don't speak it. Some are fluent, some are tourists, some are strangers altogether.
I had a fantastic teacher once, Professor MacKenzie, who subbed in my 11th grade psych class for a full semester. He was mind blowing - he forgot we were not grad students and taught us as if we were intelligent beings, unlike the teacher he was subbing for, who treated us like moronic gnats. Anyway, the first thing I remember learning from Prof. MacKenzie - by way of aplogy for getting ahead of our knowledge - is that when the student fails to learn, it is because the teacher has failed to teach at a level the student can understand. That's right. I had a teacher who said that if I failed to learn it was HIS fault for not teaching me in a way I could understand.
The shows that fascinate me are the ones that play with science and math. Bones, CSI, Lie to Me, Numbers. I'm waiting for some brilliant writer to put them all together. People can understand physics and math. We don't think we can because physicists and mathematicians don't usually know how to speak their language and ours too, but when we get a translator - like Neil De Grasse Tyson, or Michio Kaku - we can. Maybe I'll never solve some scientific conundrum, but I can grasp the idea and so can you. All we need is the right teacher.
I think math is fascinating. There are vast quantities of it that leave me lost, confused, and frustrated, but it is still fascinating. Math knows everything. A long historical time ago, we didn't have math. We didn't even have +/-. When we got +/-, it was so the money changers could denote overages and shortages in gold weights. A plug was made to be the balance and gold was weighed against the plug. A match was =, a shortage was noted as -, an overage as +. Eventually those symbols gained names.
Imagine this! Until we had +/-, we had no concept of math. We could tell that xxxx was similar to cccc, and that xxxx was the same as xxxx but different from xxx and xxxxx. We could decide we'd rather have xxxxx, and we'd rather trade xxx to get it, but we couldn't say why that was. When I was a kid, my mother said "I don't understand this new math" so she couldn't help my brother with algebra. Algebra was new when I was young. 1+1 was only several hundred years old, but
was new. With math, we start understanding space and nature. But math is a language, and a lot us don't speak it. Some are fluent, some are tourists, some are strangers altogether.I had a fantastic teacher once, Professor MacKenzie, who subbed in my 11th grade psych class for a full semester. He was mind blowing - he forgot we were not grad students and taught us as if we were intelligent beings, unlike the teacher he was subbing for, who treated us like moronic gnats. Anyway, the first thing I remember learning from Prof. MacKenzie - by way of aplogy for getting ahead of our knowledge - is that when the student fails to learn, it is because the teacher has failed to teach at a level the student can understand. That's right. I had a teacher who said that if I failed to learn it was HIS fault for not teaching me in a way I could understand.
The shows that fascinate me are the ones that play with science and math. Bones, CSI, Lie to Me, Numbers. I'm waiting for some brilliant writer to put them all together. People can understand physics and math. We don't think we can because physicists and mathematicians don't usually know how to speak their language and ours too, but when we get a translator - like Neil De Grasse Tyson, or Michio Kaku - we can. Maybe I'll never solve some scientific conundrum, but I can grasp the idea and so can you. All we need is the right teacher.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Creativity
I'm an artist. As an artist, I draw inspiration from every thing. I see what others do, I am inspired. I hear, I am inspired. I read, I am inspired. In the art world, there is this weird idea that derivative works are theft unless you admit they are derived from someone specific. How do you that? I might have seen something thirty years ago that bubbles up to lend an aspect to something I create today. I'm a compulsive reader, I read probably 300 books a year. Some of those are all words, some are art books, some are a mix of words and images. All that sinks into my brain and percolates. It might inspire immediate response, as this post was inspired by this TED talk. It might simmer for a week or a year, or decades, before bubbling up to influence my words, actions, creations.
I rarely sign my work. I have friends who fuss at me about that - how can I ever get famous if I don't sign my work? My answer is that I am only the conduit, I'm not the art. Ideas float around and some of them enter my head. The only way to get them out of my head is to make them. I might envision one thing, but part way through the creation, the creation takes over and becomes what It wants to be. It develops a voice, a way of moving, a personality that I experience whenever I see it (or read it). That's not my creation, any more than the child you gave life to is your creation. I am only the conduit.
One of the things I love about now, the 21st century I live in, is that art has exploded. Art is every where. Art is The Field. Writers are every where. Artists, musicians, makers of things. In this world, people get an idea and they must create. What brought that about? The internet, computers, global access to inspiration. Disney might get tetchy over someone using a clip from Snow White, but Disney did not create that story, they used it. Can you imagine Shakespeare rising up to protest West Side Story?
When I create something, it is my iteration of a previous concept. I deserve to profit from my iteration. When Harvey comes along, takes a snippet of what I made and uses it within his expression, Harvey deserves to profit from his iteration. I'm not talking about painting portraits of Disney's Snow White and selling them, I'm talking about using her withing a larger framework, such as plopping her image into a stark photograph of a crackhouse to make a new iteration, to express an idea in a way that highlights a concept. If Harvey took my creation and passed it off as entirely his own, Harvey would be wrong. However, if Harvey photographs my sculpture, takes it into photoshop and alters it, then makes the mouth move to a mash up of 'I Feel Pretty' and 'Born This Way', I say Go Harvey, you ROCK! It's nice that Harvey gave credit to me for the sculpture, and to the recording artists for the music. That gives us all a little more exposure. It might make some one look up 'I feel pretty' and expose them to something new. It might inspire someone to be who they are, instead of who they have been told to be. And along the way, Harvey - and the millions of 21st century artists inspired by current technology - has put together something that was not 'drempt of in your philosophy, Horatio.' They have expanded consciousness, awakened awareness, invoked wonder.
I rarely sign my work. I have friends who fuss at me about that - how can I ever get famous if I don't sign my work? My answer is that I am only the conduit, I'm not the art. Ideas float around and some of them enter my head. The only way to get them out of my head is to make them. I might envision one thing, but part way through the creation, the creation takes over and becomes what It wants to be. It develops a voice, a way of moving, a personality that I experience whenever I see it (or read it). That's not my creation, any more than the child you gave life to is your creation. I am only the conduit.
One of the things I love about now, the 21st century I live in, is that art has exploded. Art is every where. Art is The Field. Writers are every where. Artists, musicians, makers of things. In this world, people get an idea and they must create. What brought that about? The internet, computers, global access to inspiration. Disney might get tetchy over someone using a clip from Snow White, but Disney did not create that story, they used it. Can you imagine Shakespeare rising up to protest West Side Story?
When I create something, it is my iteration of a previous concept. I deserve to profit from my iteration. When Harvey comes along, takes a snippet of what I made and uses it within his expression, Harvey deserves to profit from his iteration. I'm not talking about painting portraits of Disney's Snow White and selling them, I'm talking about using her withing a larger framework, such as plopping her image into a stark photograph of a crackhouse to make a new iteration, to express an idea in a way that highlights a concept. If Harvey took my creation and passed it off as entirely his own, Harvey would be wrong. However, if Harvey photographs my sculpture, takes it into photoshop and alters it, then makes the mouth move to a mash up of 'I Feel Pretty' and 'Born This Way', I say Go Harvey, you ROCK! It's nice that Harvey gave credit to me for the sculpture, and to the recording artists for the music. That gives us all a little more exposure. It might make some one look up 'I feel pretty' and expose them to something new. It might inspire someone to be who they are, instead of who they have been told to be. And along the way, Harvey - and the millions of 21st century artists inspired by current technology - has put together something that was not 'drempt of in your philosophy, Horatio.' They have expanded consciousness, awakened awareness, invoked wonder.
Judging our judgments
Everybody judges. It's human nature. I don't think judging is bad, all by itself. Problems arise when we fail to examine our judgements.
'Oh, look at her - can you believe she's wearing that? Doesn't she own a mirror?'
The question here is why shouldn't she dress however she chooses? We're big on dress to impress as long as it impresses us. We're big on dress to express, too - but only when it's our expression or we approve of what the other person is 'saying'.
When I find that my first reaction is 'doesn't she own a mirror?' I give myself a mental shake. I don't know that she isn't looking at me thinking the same thing. I ask me who I am to judge her choices - or anyone's choices.
I don't know what you've been through, how you feel, what you want, I don't really know anything about anyone. I might know what you choose to tell me, but I don't know where that fits in your philosophy. Most of the time, we don't know where our own thoughts fit in our philosophy - that's what life is about: figuring out who we are and how we react to the world around us. Examining our judgements is one way to figure it out.
'Oh, look at her - can you believe she's wearing that? Doesn't she own a mirror?'
The question here is why shouldn't she dress however she chooses? We're big on dress to impress as long as it impresses us. We're big on dress to express, too - but only when it's our expression or we approve of what the other person is 'saying'.
When I find that my first reaction is 'doesn't she own a mirror?' I give myself a mental shake. I don't know that she isn't looking at me thinking the same thing. I ask me who I am to judge her choices - or anyone's choices.
I don't know what you've been through, how you feel, what you want, I don't really know anything about anyone. I might know what you choose to tell me, but I don't know where that fits in your philosophy. Most of the time, we don't know where our own thoughts fit in our philosophy - that's what life is about: figuring out who we are and how we react to the world around us. Examining our judgements is one way to figure it out.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Who knows Where or When?
Mysterious disappearances ...There are some other cases when disappearances are really mysterious. Starting from the crew of the ship Mary Celeste ... some people seem to have gone from the face of Earth, leaving absolutely no trace behind them. (Link)
Michio Kaku (Click the link to hear Kaku explain this. His explanations make physics seem quite easy. Just please remember to come back and finish this article! Kaku is fascinating.) talks about how the particles that make up our bodies don't stay in our bodies. Particles wander about. So what if a massive quantity of particles went on walkabout at the same time? Is it possible that the entire crew of the Mary Celeste rode into a particle storm that transported all the living matter elsewhere? Wouldn't that be wild?
As Michio Kaku explains in the video, parts of you and me are conceivably hanging out on Mars right now. I wonder if the probabilities could converge in such a way as to take an entire person elsewhere - or even elsewhen.
I also wonder if, having picked up all the particles that comprise a single person, would those particles all go to the same place or would they separate and spread out across multiple universes and dimensions? If so, then maybe the reason two people on opposite sides of the world get similar ideas at similar times is because particles of one being have landed in them both.
Scientists often race to publish before someone else beats them to it because this does happen. Charles Darwin and Alfred Wallace both came to similar conclusions about evolution about the same time. You can see some others here.
I'd love to hear your ideas on this. It seems both farfetched and perfectly logical, so feel free to (rationally) expound in whatever direction it leads you.
Human Memory and Information Processing; The Net's tangled web.
This article, The Google Effect , discusses the effect search engines have on our memories. Basically, we keep information we need but cannot access easily elsewhere in our memories. Before calculators, people could easily spout the answers to 9x6 or 15x5. Now most people either reach for a calculator or pen and paper to find the answer. Prior to spell check, we had to learn to spell each word. (That explains the abundance of then/than, where/wear, and other such errors!) Can you tell me the phone number of someone you call frequently? Without looking it up on your cell phone? Probably not. You don't have to remember the number because your phone does it for you.
That we can easily look up information is wonderful. I'm not sure it's so good for our ability to process information though. As children, most of us learned capitals of states and countries. We used that information to process other information. Imagine reading a news story about Nazi sympathizers Paris and not knowing what country Paris is in. If you don't know it is in France, the you might miss important clues that help you process the story. Knowing, and being able to recall, the location and history of Paris adds layers of meaning to the story.
Additionally, stored knowledge helps us make connections that we might otherwise miss. If you know that Druids wore robes and came from the British Isles, that much of the mountainous south in the United States was settled by Scottish Highlanders, and that those highlanders tended to be quite insular and fractious, then it is easier to make a connection between clan and Klan. If you also understand the ancient need for groups to be insular and tight knit in order to survive, the necessity of distinguishing between 'us' and 'them' in a place and time where competition for scarce resources was heavy, then it becomes easier to understand how human nature leads to exclusionary practices such as racism, sexism, and religionism.
What we understand, we can change. If we can't make the connections, we don't see the bigger picture, and so we lack the information necessary to recognize problems before they get out of hand. I love the availability of information on the internet. I can access books that I would never have known existed, I can learn how to do practically anything, and I am exposed to people and cultures that I might never have imagined without the internet. At the same time, however, I am less likely to clearly recall information because I know I don't have to store it in my memory in order to access it.
That we can easily look up information is wonderful. I'm not sure it's so good for our ability to process information though. As children, most of us learned capitals of states and countries. We used that information to process other information. Imagine reading a news story about Nazi sympathizers Paris and not knowing what country Paris is in. If you don't know it is in France, the you might miss important clues that help you process the story. Knowing, and being able to recall, the location and history of Paris adds layers of meaning to the story.
Additionally, stored knowledge helps us make connections that we might otherwise miss. If you know that Druids wore robes and came from the British Isles, that much of the mountainous south in the United States was settled by Scottish Highlanders, and that those highlanders tended to be quite insular and fractious, then it is easier to make a connection between clan and Klan. If you also understand the ancient need for groups to be insular and tight knit in order to survive, the necessity of distinguishing between 'us' and 'them' in a place and time where competition for scarce resources was heavy, then it becomes easier to understand how human nature leads to exclusionary practices such as racism, sexism, and religionism.
What we understand, we can change. If we can't make the connections, we don't see the bigger picture, and so we lack the information necessary to recognize problems before they get out of hand. I love the availability of information on the internet. I can access books that I would never have known existed, I can learn how to do practically anything, and I am exposed to people and cultures that I might never have imagined without the internet. At the same time, however, I am less likely to clearly recall information because I know I don't have to store it in my memory in order to access it.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
I think, therefore I become what I think.
Your mind changes - literally - as your mind changes.
Change your lifestyle, change your behavior, and you change your genes. Who knew? Your genes do what you tell them!
You are energy. A computer of sorts. Whatever you experience changes your biology based on your perception of the experience. You compute the event and your computation determines the effect the event has on your biology.
You change time with your perceptions. Something fun seems fast, something boring seems slow. Also, something epic seems to make time stand still - because you stopped noticing time. Something horrible can make time seem to speed up - because you perceive time as running out.
Attention, and intention, change you. What you focus on, thrives. Whether you focus on blessing or misery, you get more of the same. Try it. If you think of something that made you sad, you will perceive current events in a way that adds to your sadness. Think of something that pleased you, and current events are more pleasing.
Add these all together - YOU control your destiny, YOU control your perceptions, YOU control your happiness. No one can MAKE you unhappy, you do it that to yourself by focusing on the actions of others in ways that focus on the misery. No one can make you do anything. You always have choices. By blaming X for making us do Y, we deny our own power and our own responsibility for ourselves.
If you hold a gun to my head, I have the options of: 1) doing as you say, 2) not doing as you say. Either way, I decide which to do. While I'd like to believe that I'd be brave enough to refuse to do your bidding, I'd probably do as I was told simply because I would be anticipating the pain of being shot. That is 'living in the future' - fearing what might come rather than experiencing what is present.
After the event, I can blame you for forcing me, or I can admit that I chose what I perceived to be the least painful path. I chose. Mind you, my decision was coerced - I'm not saying you have no responsibility. You are responsible for your actions. I'm also not saying that victims always have choices. A baby has no choices, it can't possibly stand up to an adult. But there does come a point when we can stand up and make choices, and we often choose to blame others for the choices we make.
When we honestly don't have a choice, and when we choose to survive, we have to learn to forgive ourselves for having been victimized! And we have to learn to forgive those who wronged us. Otherwise, we remain victims. Those who hurt us don't suffer when we don't forgive them, we do. We suffer because we give the past power over the present. Forgiving is NOT excusing. It isn't saying 'it's okay that you did this', it is saying ' I'm moving on, you have no power over me.'
So, these two options I have in perception - being the victim or being the one who chose my action - are reflected in my mind and body. I can stand tall or I can huddle into myself. Standing tall is reflected in my health and perceptions - I get sick less often, I have fewer regrets, I feel less fear and experience more joys. Huddling is likewise reflected. I am more easily frightened, I am more susceptible to illness, I spend a lot of time thinking 'if only'.
The really cool thing about the mind/body connection is that simply standing taller can make you feel better. Try that. Hunch up, like you are afraid someone is going to hit you, and pay attention to your emotional state. Now stand tall, and pay attention to your feelings. One feels much better than the other, doesn't it?
Where ever you are, walk like you own the place. When you do something well, celebrate it, not matter how small it might seem. Finished the crossword? YES! Made a decent scrambled egg? (My personal challenge.) YES! I MADE A GREAT EGG!
Celebrate every single thing you possibly can. Pretty day? Celebrate. raining cats and dogs? Celebrate that too, because rain brings food and flowers, and keeps the dust down. Broke your finger? Celebrate not breaking your arm. The opposite is to moan about the rain and the broken finger, which will only make you more aware of every minor thing that goes wrong.
The other day, I lost an envelope of money. Now, I can dwell on the loss - which definitely annoyed me - or I can be thankful that I had taken most of the money out of the envelope before I lost it. I am glad of that, and in spite of this long post about how we control our perceptions, I have to admit that being aware of the loss generates feelings of scarcity. So I have to make a conscious effort to focus on abundance to counteract the feeling of scarcity.
Yesterday was a sad anniversary for my family, the birthday of a child who died young. It was also a happy anniversary, the birthday of a child we were allowed to love and cherish. When I paid attention to the loss, the day was miserable. I found dozens of connected memories that exacerbated the misery. When I chose to focus on the blessings attached to the day, everything felt better. There is nothing in the past that we can change, except how we look back.
We can't control the future, we can't change the past, we can only live in this moment, and in this moment, we have to chose whether we are going to be happy or miserable. What we choose alters our brain chemistry, which alters our bodies, which alters our perceptions. It's a circle, and we have to chose which side of the circle to stand on.
Change your lifestyle, change your behavior, and you change your genes. Who knew? Your genes do what you tell them!
You are energy. A computer of sorts. Whatever you experience changes your biology based on your perception of the experience. You compute the event and your computation determines the effect the event has on your biology.
You change time with your perceptions. Something fun seems fast, something boring seems slow. Also, something epic seems to make time stand still - because you stopped noticing time. Something horrible can make time seem to speed up - because you perceive time as running out.
Attention, and intention, change you. What you focus on, thrives. Whether you focus on blessing or misery, you get more of the same. Try it. If you think of something that made you sad, you will perceive current events in a way that adds to your sadness. Think of something that pleased you, and current events are more pleasing.
Add these all together - YOU control your destiny, YOU control your perceptions, YOU control your happiness. No one can MAKE you unhappy, you do it that to yourself by focusing on the actions of others in ways that focus on the misery. No one can make you do anything. You always have choices. By blaming X for making us do Y, we deny our own power and our own responsibility for ourselves.
If you hold a gun to my head, I have the options of: 1) doing as you say, 2) not doing as you say. Either way, I decide which to do. While I'd like to believe that I'd be brave enough to refuse to do your bidding, I'd probably do as I was told simply because I would be anticipating the pain of being shot. That is 'living in the future' - fearing what might come rather than experiencing what is present.
After the event, I can blame you for forcing me, or I can admit that I chose what I perceived to be the least painful path. I chose. Mind you, my decision was coerced - I'm not saying you have no responsibility. You are responsible for your actions. I'm also not saying that victims always have choices. A baby has no choices, it can't possibly stand up to an adult. But there does come a point when we can stand up and make choices, and we often choose to blame others for the choices we make.
When we honestly don't have a choice, and when we choose to survive, we have to learn to forgive ourselves for having been victimized! And we have to learn to forgive those who wronged us. Otherwise, we remain victims. Those who hurt us don't suffer when we don't forgive them, we do. We suffer because we give the past power over the present. Forgiving is NOT excusing. It isn't saying 'it's okay that you did this', it is saying ' I'm moving on, you have no power over me.'
So, these two options I have in perception - being the victim or being the one who chose my action - are reflected in my mind and body. I can stand tall or I can huddle into myself. Standing tall is reflected in my health and perceptions - I get sick less often, I have fewer regrets, I feel less fear and experience more joys. Huddling is likewise reflected. I am more easily frightened, I am more susceptible to illness, I spend a lot of time thinking 'if only'.
The really cool thing about the mind/body connection is that simply standing taller can make you feel better. Try that. Hunch up, like you are afraid someone is going to hit you, and pay attention to your emotional state. Now stand tall, and pay attention to your feelings. One feels much better than the other, doesn't it?
Where ever you are, walk like you own the place. When you do something well, celebrate it, not matter how small it might seem. Finished the crossword? YES! Made a decent scrambled egg? (My personal challenge.) YES! I MADE A GREAT EGG!
Celebrate every single thing you possibly can. Pretty day? Celebrate. raining cats and dogs? Celebrate that too, because rain brings food and flowers, and keeps the dust down. Broke your finger? Celebrate not breaking your arm. The opposite is to moan about the rain and the broken finger, which will only make you more aware of every minor thing that goes wrong.
The other day, I lost an envelope of money. Now, I can dwell on the loss - which definitely annoyed me - or I can be thankful that I had taken most of the money out of the envelope before I lost it. I am glad of that, and in spite of this long post about how we control our perceptions, I have to admit that being aware of the loss generates feelings of scarcity. So I have to make a conscious effort to focus on abundance to counteract the feeling of scarcity.
Yesterday was a sad anniversary for my family, the birthday of a child who died young. It was also a happy anniversary, the birthday of a child we were allowed to love and cherish. When I paid attention to the loss, the day was miserable. I found dozens of connected memories that exacerbated the misery. When I chose to focus on the blessings attached to the day, everything felt better. There is nothing in the past that we can change, except how we look back.
We can't control the future, we can't change the past, we can only live in this moment, and in this moment, we have to chose whether we are going to be happy or miserable. What we choose alters our brain chemistry, which alters our bodies, which alters our perceptions. It's a circle, and we have to chose which side of the circle to stand on.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
This is amazing. Inspiring. Watch.
This is Jill Bolte Taylor, a brain scientist, describing what it felt like to have a stroke. The experience she describes is beautiful. Are you surprised? I was. TED is about 'Ideas Worth Sharing'. This is.
If you watch, I'd love to hear your comments, your impressions, your ideas.
This is Jill Bolte Taylor, a brain scientist, describing what it felt like to have a stroke. The experience she describes is beautiful. Are you surprised? I was. TED is about 'Ideas Worth Sharing'. This is.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Every One of us IS creative.
This man is in my head, reading my thoughts. (That's a link. Click it.)
This describes exactly how I feel when someone marvels over something I created. And this is exactly why I insist that Every One of us IS creative. Watch it. Think about it. Go amaze someone.
This describes exactly how I feel when someone marvels over something I created. And this is exactly why I insist that Every One of us IS creative. Watch it. Think about it. Go amaze someone.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Worth Doing
25 Intentional Days
25 Intentional Days , by Andhedrew, is a beautiful book. It is visually appealing and laid out in manageable slices. Each day offers a specific plan for living intentionally, with clear instructions and examples. Each segment also offers excellent resources to help you implement the day's activity. The plan for each day makes sense. It makes sense to do the activity, and reading the instructions is easy and entertaining. More than worth reading, 25 Intentional Days is worth implementing.
25 Intentional Days , by Andhedrew, is a beautiful book. It is visually appealing and laid out in manageable slices. Each day offers a specific plan for living intentionally, with clear instructions and examples. Each segment also offers excellent resources to help you implement the day's activity. The plan for each day makes sense. It makes sense to do the activity, and reading the instructions is easy and entertaining. More than worth reading, 25 Intentional Days is worth implementing.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Book: Stitches
Stitches; A Memoir Davis Small, 2009 w.w. norton & co.
This graphic-novel type autobiography is heart-rendingly well drawn. The actual story begins on page 8. By page 15, you know this isn't a happy household. By page 20, you heart aches for this child. 329 pages, mostly illustration, even looking closely at the drawings and allowing them to sink into my soul, this book took maybe an hour to consume. Digesting it will take much longer.
There is a concept that we usually wound those around us peripherally. Oh, the wounds are real enough, and the pain may be hideous, but the damage is unintentional. They aren't about the people we inflict them upon, they are about us. They happen because we are so caught up in our own misery that we neither notice not appreciate that we are causing others pain. And that pain really exists because the other does not know that it isn't intentional, does not understand the hell their tormentor is mired in. We (or they, to keep the confusion down a bit) take it personally.
That is only part of what David Small suffered, but it is a part he came to understand. With understanding comes compassion, and compassion leads to forgiveness. Forgiveness leads healing.
Stitches will rip you apart. If you allow it, it will also stitch you back together again, using compassion as its thread.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
I found this video on theageofreason.org If I linked every thing there that got me thinking, I'd just link everything there. The video is a teaser to lead you to the Age of Reason. Something to think about.
Scroobius Pip, A letter from God to Man.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Poems - a few
good save
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pease Porridge Revisited
What is
The answer please?
I do not know, you say.
What is the question,
precious girl?
You were not listening!
Again!
I was! Until I got
Distracted by
Your charms.
~~~~~~~~~~~
The poem above is an eintou. An eintou is a poem that follows a format of 2,4,6,8,6,4,2 - either syllables or words. If you're really good, I suppose you could do both. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pease Porridge Revisited
Pease porridge hot
Best served with a scoop
These days we call it
Split pea soup
Pease porridge cold
Leaves me agog
Thick as pea soup
Walking in the fog
You can’t see a thing
So some like it not
I’d rather pease porridge fog
Than pease porridge hot!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
new dawn
whirling eyes watch as this cream stone
mottled red, gold, and green
moves of its own accord
nestled among glittering gems
something more precious than gold
crown jewel in this dragon’s horde
with a thunderous cracking
from stone does emerge now
beautiful dragon spawn
as glistening wings do slowly unfurl
a tiny tongue samples the breezes
at the edge of a new dawn
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
song
weightless
and brilliant
as bright as the sun
you light
my way
when I am
undone
and brilliant
as bright as the sun
you light
my way
when I am
undone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Song, like most of these, was written for a contest. This particular contest allowed only 8 lines. Many of the people reviewing 'song' felt it was too short, or the title didn't fit the poem. I wrote an explanation of the poem - something I normally would not do, as I feel that the reader has to get what they get not necessarily what I get. This one, however, deserved explanation, as every word was carefully chosen to pack maximum meaning into minimum space. The explanation follows.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'song' is the English translation of psalm - a song of praise.
weightless =light, but also, light itself is weightless, so the meaning here is double. Because the light is there, the burden is lightened.
brilliant = shining brightly, illustrious, magnificent, of great intelligence. Something so wondrous as to defy any other description.
bright as the sun = So intense that you cannot see it by looking at it directly, so vital that you cannot survive with out it.
you light = you, Light, you light (both an address to the specific 'Light' and a description of the action of guidance.)
my way = combined with you light, meaning I am guided by the light of Light (the guide).
when I am = philosophically, there is no "I", as we are all part of the whole. One cell in your body is a specific cell, but without all the other cells, it does not comprise a human. So, when I misplace my connection to Everything, then I am. When I recall my connection to everything, then am 'i'. (Note the case - i is a part of the whole, I is egocentric and separate. Here, "I" is the only capitalization within the poem, placing the value of "I" above the value of the light, hence "undone".)
undone= what we are when we misplace our connection to Everything. We cannot lose the connection, but we do sometimes seriously misplace it. You cannot be separate from that from which you are made, but in feeling alone, you feel undone, unconnected, unloved.
weightless =light, but also, light itself is weightless, so the meaning here is double. Because the light is there, the burden is lightened.
brilliant = shining brightly, illustrious, magnificent, of great intelligence. Something so wondrous as to defy any other description.
bright as the sun = So intense that you cannot see it by looking at it directly, so vital that you cannot survive with out it.
you light = you, Light, you light (both an address to the specific 'Light' and a description of the action of guidance.)
my way = combined with you light, meaning I am guided by the light of Light (the guide).
when I am = philosophically, there is no "I", as we are all part of the whole. One cell in your body is a specific cell, but without all the other cells, it does not comprise a human. So, when I misplace my connection to Everything, then I am. When I recall my connection to everything, then am 'i'. (Note the case - i is a part of the whole, I is egocentric and separate. Here, "I" is the only capitalization within the poem, placing the value of "I" above the value of the light, hence "undone".)
undone= what we are when we misplace our connection to Everything. We cannot lose the connection, but we do sometimes seriously misplace it. You cannot be separate from that from which you are made, but in feeling alone, you feel undone, unconnected, unloved.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Beginnings
I watched as the swinging boom did bring
The building to its knees
Scattering brick and glass and dust
And random memories.
The rubble was cleared, it took some time
To haul it all away
And in its place we planted laughter
To let the children play.
I watched as the swinging boom did bring
The building to its knees
Scattering brick and glass and dust
And random memories.
The rubble was cleared, it took some time
To haul it all away
And in its place we planted laughter
To let the children play.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New beginnings (contest entry, 8 line max) is another misunderstood poem. Most people got it, but some thought "planted laughter" meant a new house was built, where an old house had been torn down. I meant that a dilapidated building in the city had been replaced by an inner city playground. I wonder if the difference in perception is equal to the difference between a "privileged" childhood and growing up poor? Or at least, not growing up well-off. Curious.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Canada Geese
We watched the goslings hatch and grow
Three families in the pond.
They overstayed the welcome though
And we became less fond.
Less fond of their ceaseless chatter.
Less fond of their ceaseless chatter.
Less fond of the mess they were making.
Less fond of their organic matter.
Less fond of sudden braking.
And then one day they went too far,
My little daughter’s lunch! -
And then one day they went too far,
My little daughter’s lunch! -
They knocked her down beside the car
This thieving, feathered bunch.
I knew not how to make them leave,
I knew not how to make them leave,
To shoo them from our docks.
I never thought I’d ever be
I never thought I’d ever be
Rescued by a fox!
Each early morn, the fox would come
Each early morn, the fox would come
And set the geese to squawking,
And I would curse the noise it caused,
This early morning stalking.
And then one day, with swift dispatch
And then one day, with swift dispatch
The fox became a winner
Feathers flew, then down the hatch
That goose was fox’s dinner.
Oh, crafty fox, you made a mess
Oh, crafty fox, you made a mess
Of feathers everywhere!
The goosey flock, in sheer distress,
Took honking to the air.
They’ve flown away and not returned,
They’ve flown away and not returned,
How peaceful life's become.
My gratitude that fox has earned
And this poetic fame.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I took liberties. Canada Geese don't tend to attack people, white geese do. Mixing them added some spice to the poem. The white geese attacked a child I nannied (a thousand years ago). The fox did solve our Canada Goose issue last spring. So, I took liberties, but the events were real enough. This one did not win its contest. I apparently offended the judge who made it clear that he was not pleased with the fox. =) I'm guessing he's never had a yard full of gooseshit to contend with!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
revenge of the revenge
Oh! Sometimes you make me
Madder than a cat in the bathtub!
This time you really went too far.
Sometimes, I think of ways to get revenge
For my tattered, aching heart.
I never follow through.
Instead, I clean the house –
I go a little overboard.
I’ve been known to wash the soap.
I scrub the grout between the tiles
On the bathroom floor.
This time, you really went too far!
Your forty dollar whitening kit
Is doing a fine job.
Who knew I’d one day follow through?
My aggravation lessens as I scrub
Then escalates again.
I used the wrong toothbrush.
Yours is in the caddy,
Mine is in my hand.
This time, I really went too far.
Madder than a cat in the bathtub!
This time you really went too far.
Sometimes, I think of ways to get revenge
For my tattered, aching heart.
I never follow through.
Instead, I clean the house –
I go a little overboard.
I’ve been known to wash the soap.
I scrub the grout between the tiles
On the bathroom floor.
This time, you really went too far!
Your forty dollar whitening kit
Is doing a fine job.
Who knew I’d one day follow through?
My aggravation lessens as I scrub
Then escalates again.
I used the wrong toothbrush.
Yours is in the caddy,
Mine is in my hand.
This time, I really went too far.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another contest entry, in which I had to use the bolded phrase "the wrong toothbrush".
I have to be honest - I've never been known to "wash the soap", and your toothbrush is safe with me. I'm not much on revenge either. This one won it's contest. WooHoo!
© Copyright 2011 Rikki Ansell
all rights reserved
Body Images
In ninth grade, I was in chorus. It was a very egalitarian
chorus, they didn’t mind if you weren’t fabulous. I wasn’t fabulous. I love to
sing. I think everyone should sing, out loud, in public, whenever the spirit
hits them. Singing frees up your soul. Singing is the wings on the angels, its
what lets them soar. If I am sad, music picks me up. I have a weird line up of
records to play, specific songs from each, to lift me. I start with The Mills
Brothers. By the time I’ve played the first three or four songs in my line-up,
I’m down right cheerful. I progress through the songs, each perkier than the
last, then wander through many other albums, singing my heart out. I may start with Mood Indigo, but I end up
somewhere around Aerosmith, The Rave-Ups, and They Might Be Giants. Singing
makes me happy.
Anyway, in ninth grade chorus, there was a girl who looked
like the meanest girl on the planet. She had jet black hair, DoubleD breasts,
and a vicious scowl. She scared me. She was quite pretty but mean looking. Now,
our chorus room had bleachers. We’d line up on the bleachers just as we did on
the stage for concerts, and that’s how we practiced. One particular day, the
teacher called the Sopranos down to the piano to do warm ups, and this mean
faced girl was the first to arrive there. She stopped on the lowest tier of the
bleachers, lifted up those DoubleD tits, and dropped them on top of the piano!
And then she smiled.
This was the first time I ever saw her smile. Her face lit
up. She lit up. She became, in that moment, the most beautiful person I had
ever seen. This was a joy like I had never expected her to possess, and I
suddenly understood that those massive breasts caused her a lot of pain. I
suspected there was plenty of emotional pain, since young males were (are)
enormously distracted by tits and hers were enormously distracting even if you
weren’t interested in tits. I wondered how she could ever know if a boy liked
the person behind the breasts. That isn’t the pain I suddenly understood.
It was the recognition that large breasts were heavy that struck me; the slow
comprehension that this weight pulled her off balance and required her spine
and muscles to work constantly to keep her balanced and upright. I don’t think
I ever would have understood that if I hadn’t seen her drop those boulders on
top of the piano and smile that stunning smile.
Whenever I see one of those women who have had mega-implants installed,
I think of this girl.
I think it odd that people never seem happy with how they
look. Girls with straight hair get perms, girls with curly hair iron it
flat. We get breast implants or
reductions, tummy tucks, nose jobs – now having your lips fattened is the
thing. I don’t get that, at all. Most of the women I see with that lip thing
have weird looking mouths. Honestly, to me, it looks like they have a vagina on
their faces, which is probably why so many men think this is sexy. This
fixation with altering appearance isn’t restricted to women. Men do it with
bodybuilding, often going to bizarre extremes.
We tan, tattoo, make-up, curl/straighten/dye/cut, nip, tuck,
inflate, and pierce. Using our bodies, we find infinite way to express who we
are. Our bodies and faces are the ultimate canvas on which we display our
creativity and individuality. If we don’t like something, we change it,
sometimes permanently, sometimes not. I wonder that girl from chorus had her
breasts reduced. I wonder if the lip-fattening women have regrets. I wonder.
Mostly I wonder if these changes give the sculptee lasting pleasure. What I
mean is that plump lips or big tits don’t change who you are, and if who
you are doesn’t change, how you feel
inside doesn’t change either. It doesn’t matter how you look - pretty does not
equal happy. Change how you think and you change how happy you are. Change how
you look and you change how you look.
© Copyright 2011 Rikki Ansell
all rights reserved
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Doing What I love
When I was a child I did four things: I drew, I wrote, I
read, I assembled.
I read everything I could get my hands on. I had hundreds of
books. By the time I was eight, I usually read my mother’s books, so I gave my
hundreds of books to a new program started by The Smithsonian Institute,
Reading is Fundamental. We had a friend, Mr. McGraff, who worked for the
Smithsonian. He knew I loved to read and told me the program was intended to
provide books to poor children. We never had much money, but my parents valued
reading and always found a way to provide any book I wanted. I earned my own
money as well, from the age of five on, and books are what I spent my money on.
My personal idea of ‘poor’ has always been not having a book. The idea that
there were children who didn’t have books was shocking to me. My brother helped
me haul all those books up the hill to Mr. McGraff’s apartment. Mr. McGraff was
shocked and touched by my donation, and I was embarrassed by his reaction. Reading
was so important to me that I just couldn’t stand the idea that anyone didn’t
have books. I did keep one book, Poetry for Boys and Girls, which my parents
gave me for my seventh birthday.
When I was a child, I read.
In Poetry for Boys and Girls, I met Ogden Nash and Edward
Lear. I met Alfred, Lord Tennyson and William Shakespeare. I met Little Willie,
with his insatiable thirst for gore; and I met
- as I was going up the stair – The Man Who Wasn’t There. I met Peter
Piper and Sally of Sea Shell Selling fame. I met a man who tried to save his
precious daughter from a raging storm at sea, and a woman who tried to stop
bells from ringing to save her lover’s life. I met my muse, in the form of
hundreds of poets from all over the world, and I began writing poetry. By the
time I gave the rest of my books away, I had read this book cover to cover
several times, but I wasn’t finished with it. I discovered that things I didn’t
understand the first time often made sense the third or fourth time. I learned
that as I learned new things and had new experiences, new meaning would unfold
from the same poems I had read a dozen times before. I’m still not finished
with that book, and it still on my bookshelf forty-two years later.
When I was a child, I wrote.
Taking my imagination for a stroll, I would gather random
things as I walked, collecting them in a brown lunch bag. I would sing as I
went, or tell some tale to myself, making it all up as I went. I could do this
for hours, sing and walk, and find treasure. When I returned home, I would dump
my treasure out on the dinner table, and with the help of glue and wires,
assemble some crazy creation out of the random bits I collected. I loved
putting things together. My brother got an Erector Set when he was ten, but he had
no interest in it. I was always building something, often mixing my treasures
with his Erector Set, Tinkertoys, and Lincoln Logs. Then I would create
elaborate stories about my creations.
When I was a child, I assembled things.
I drew often. I drew copies of line drawings from any book I
could find. I drew from photographs, too. My Grandmother gave my brother a
Birding book on his thirteenth birthday. He had no more interest in birds than
he had in the Erector Set. I read that book from cover to cover, and hunted for
the birds. I’ve never seen most of them in life, but when I was eight, I drew
them all, in ink. I have one picture still, drawn with a leaky blue ball point
pen. My mother kept it and I found it among her things after she died. I don’t
know what amazed me more, that she kept it all those years, or that it was
good.
When I was a child, I drew.
I never stopped reading. Most years I average almost a book
a day. I read from nearly every section of Mr. Dewey’s catalog. I want to know
it all. I kept writing, off and on. I write to think things through, so I wrote
more when I had problems than when things were going well. I wrote poems when
so moved, but I’ve never written poetry consistently. I’ve saved a few hundred
over the years, writing the reasonably good ones in a special book. I randomly
wrote stories, never consistently. Mostly though, as an adult, I didn’t write
much.
I also didn’t draw or create assemblages much. My drawing
skills deteriorated as a result. I picked it back up, randomly, and have
improved somewhat. I also started assembling bits and pieces again, and began
to experiment with different mediums to create my assemblages. I developed my
own style of sculpting my visions. When people visit my shop, I tell them if
it’s a bit odd, I made it. If it’s normal, I didn’t.
I spent most of my adult life not doing the things I love to
do. When I finally decided to stop slaving away in a “real” job and do what I
love to do, life got a heck of lot happier. It got a little poorer too, but
it’s worth the trade. I am a creator; my soul is content.
© Copyright 2011 Rikki Ansell
all rights reserved
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