I was reading a post about creativity blocks. The number one block listed was fear of ridicule, which, ahem, got me thinking...
I'm not particularly afraid of ridicule. I don't like it, but I guess I've been exposed to enough critique of my artwork to know that some people are just going to hate what I do and others will love it. What I realized is that I'm afraid no one will notice and I'm afraid they will notice. Say what? you may ask. I'll explain.
I write this blog aware that about 2 people ever read it. I had a grand opening for a business once - two people came, one of whom is probably reading this blog (Thanks, Phyllis!) I know a lot of people who have held some event and worried that no one would come. I've actually experienced that, which should explain the fear of anonymity!
In a weird way, I'm used to going unnoticed, so I'm also not used to much attention being focused on me. In some ways, that's very liberating. Oddly, I can stand up in front of 400 people and talk, no problem. But let heads turn when I walk into a room and it terrifies me.
The end result is about the same as if I were afraid of being ridiculed for my efforts. I have wonderful ideas and I put those into action, but I have no idea how to get them out into the world. I don't have that infinite network of friends and associates that seems to help other people launch. I'm afraid to say Hey, semi-stranger, what do you think about this? because first, I am afraid they won't respond and, second, I'm afraid they will!
Maybe that translates to fear of rejection? I'm afraid they won't respond, that they'll dismiss me as not worthy of their time and attention. And if they do respond, I'm afraid they'll decide they needn't have bothered. What makes that all totally whacked (instead of just somewhat whacked) is that I'm not at all afraid that they'll reject my work. My work is valid. It's my worth I doubt.
The blog post I linked to above, the beast that started this introspection, is short and to the point. It made me think. Perhaps the revelation it caused will make me grow. Knowing, as they say, is half the battle - but acting on what you know - that's the hard part.
No comments:
Post a Comment