Being more

I suspect that , at some point, everyone feels unloved, unappreciated, mistreated or unfairly judged. I also suspect that the true reason for the feelings is that we've blocked our access to the positive by practicing the negative.

If you want to feel loved, be more loving. Think about what you love about each person in your daily life. There is something in everyone. Maybe there is someone you dislike, you can still find something about that person worthy of respect or admiration. When you get in the habit of finding something good in everyone - especially in those you'd prefer to denigrate - you open yourself to being more loving and therefore more receptive to love. You're not unloved. Someone always loves you, even if you don't see it.

Think of love as a cup filled with water. If you just leave the cup sit, eventually the water goes stale, then becomes stagnant, then brackish. But if you drink of the water, or pour it onto a plant, or give it to a thirsty dog, there is room in the cup for more. You are the cup, love is the water. If you don't pour it out, you can't be refilled with fresh love. Find something to love in each person and you open your soul to love.

Do you feel unappreciated? Most often, when we feel unappreciated, it is one person we are focused on. He doesn't appreciate how hard I work on ____, she doesn't appreciate how much I ____. You fill in the blanks. When you do, take a minute to appreciate something that person does ( or did today) that affects you.

Maybe it's something as simple as they made sure there was coffee in the pot when you arrived, or as complex as seeing your tire was flat and getting it fixed before it inconvenienced you. Maybe it's something they do every day that you take for granted, like a spouse dressing in the bathroom so the light doesn't disturb your sleep, or letting you read the newspaper first because they tend to make a mess of it. There is something. Make a concentrated effort to find it, focus on it, and appreciate it.

Apply this concept to every negative feeling you have. If you feel judged, practice accepting others as they are. If you feel mistreated, practice doing kindnesses for people you don't know or care for. (Of course, be kind to those you love as well, but being kind to strangers and enmities makes you more aware of the kindnesses people do for you. Say thank you when a stranger holds the door!) If you feel lonely, make someone feel welcome.

If you feel anger, practice forgiveness. I've written before about forgiveness, it is a gift that will ease your own miseries immensely. Remember that when you hold a grudge, YOU hold it. It doesn't affect the person you're angry with, it poisons YOU. Forgiveness doesn't mean letting them hurt you again, it simply means you accept that the past is past and will not let the past rule your present. 

What ever you feel is lacking in your life, be more of that. Focus on being it, not on getting it.