Fear?

For some time now, I've been whining about how frightened Americans seem to be these days. My rants have mostly focused on how many of our freedoms people seem willing to sacrifice for "safety". I don't believe "safety" is possible. People want to be protected from terrorists, but the only way to be protected is not to be terrified. No one can prevent every possible bad thing from happening. The beltway snipers were terrorists, serial killers are terrorists, so are bullies and abusers - but no one seems to think of them that way. "Terrorists" -the word- means "foreigners" to an awful lot of people. Anyway, we're so afraid of terrorists that we've sacrificed our rights - freedom from illegal searches, unwarranted invasions on our privacy. Hell, we've even given up on the right to a speedy trial - or any trial - and all the government has to do to implement that denial is say 'terrorist'.

I think if people are willing to deny someone else the right to a speedy and fair trial, they should lose that right themselves. Not everyone should lose that right - just the people who want to take it away from others. Same with the "sanctity of marriage" group - they should forfeit the right to choose their own partners.

(Yes, I digressed a bit. I'm back on topic now...) When the shooter went wild on the Virginia Tech campus, parents went apeshit because the school didn't do enough to protect their children. Here's a news flash: They aren't children. They are old enough to vote, marry, die in war, and even to drink in some places (not Virginia). They are adults. Besides that, why would anyone expect that a murder over here would turn into a murderous spree across campus a few hours later? No one could predict that, so no one could know what to do to prevent it. Sure, after the fact, you can say they shoulda this or they shoulda that.

No one could know that some nutcase would open fire in a movie theater, and considering the volume of the Dark Knight and the amount of gunfire in that movie, who would be able to tell the difference between live fire and that playing on the screen? Theaters are soundproofed so that horrendously loud movie doesn't interfere with the horrendously loud movie playing screen right next door.

So, a few months ago, several scientific studies were correlated to pinpoint this whole fear thing. Mostly the research has to do with conservatives vs. liberals, but I think those are the wrong labels. Some people have a bigger right amygdala - which monitors fear, and others have a larger anterior cingulate cortex, which monitors ambiguity. If your amygdala is larger, you are more frightened. If your anterior cingulate cortex is bigger, you are better at handling ambiguity. People who are afraid need more controls, people who aren't bothered by uncertainty need fewer controls.

The studies explain that amygdalites (I made that up, it's shorthand for "people with larger amygdalas) are more concerned with self-preservation: what is best for ME (and mine), whereas cingulates (shorthand for people with larger anterior cingulate cortexes) are more focused on what is best for all, even if that means that the result isn't necessarily in their own personal best interest.

Cingulates pass out free water in a drought, while amygdalites hide their water rather than share it. Those who sell it for four times the usual price are probably people with relatively equal amygdala / cingulate sizing. They get the water to people who need it, but make sure they also benefit from the distribution. Yes, I do know that those sharing the water benefit, but that is more cerebral / spiritual than tangible. 

Politically, cingulates are more likely to say 'let's move forward, do things differently' and amygdalites are more likely to say 'let's go back to how it used to be'.

Innovators and traditionalists. Since not all change is good, and humans are mostly wired to maintain status quo, tradition is pretty strong stuff. But not all tradition is good, and if we didn't change the status quo, quite frankly, we'd all be cavemen. Innovation is vital. Without it, no one would be voting at all - at the very least we'd have small tribes run by the meanest dude in town. 'How it used to be'  sucked.

None of the studies discussed whether people can affect the size of their amygdalas and anterior cingulate cortexes. Can we, by practicing creativity exercises and adapting to change, enlarge our anterior cingulate cortex? By giving in to fear or worry, can we cause the right amygdala to grow?

I do know that if you fear something - heights, for example - you can learn to overcome that or you can let it take over. You can climb one rung higher on a ladder daily, until you reach the roof, or you can cling to the handrail and descend the stairs with trepidation. I know that if you don't push back against fear, fear pushes in on you.

Fear is that nightmare room where the walls close in on you. It's scary to do new things and to push yourself to do things you fear, but doing so expands the space you have to live in. Expanding your own world makes the world bigger for everyone else too. I'm not suggesting everyone throw all caution to the wind, just that we all try to do something new each day, even something tiny, so that none of feel the need to constrain others simply because we're afraid of change.

It is time to Reclaim America for the American People

I'm frightened by the number of Americans who don't see what is going on in the Republican Party. They manipulate emotions by pressing heavily on their pet buzzword "socialist". Yet what they are offering is to remove our individual freedoms: the right to vote, the right to have a legally recognized partnership with any consenting adult, the right to choose when and whether you will have children, the right of access to unbiased reporting uncontrolled by the government.

In the name of Corporate Personhood, they've destroyed our banking system by allowing banks to get into credit, and creditors to jack up interest rates over late payments that have nothing to do with the creditor. They allowed sub-prime loans and finance institutions ran wild giving interest only loans to people who did not understand what they were being sold.

In the false name of Voter Fraud, they are stripping 'undesirable' Americans of the right to vote. Undesirable, because those Americans aren't predominately Republican. What makes people think it will stop there? Once they get away with denying one demographic, they'll simply move on to add another and another, until once again it is only rich, white males who are allowed to vote.

In the name of Sanctity of Marriage, they - and many Americans - wish to deny same sex unions the same privileges that man/woman unions receive under the law. What gives anyone the right to say who can marry whom? Didn't we do away with that with Loving vs. Virginia? Are we really willing to go backwards in some weird belief that if Bob and Larry get the same tax breaks Mike and Lisa get, the sky will fall on us?  I wish people would think that forward a bit. How would any of us like it if the government said you can't marry that person because your eyes are different colors or your religion is different, or your ancestors came from different countries? You can't marry at all, because you're not one of Us, you're not good enough.

I can't believe there is a woman in the country who thinks anyone else should have the right to tell her she MUST have children, even if she can't possibly feed them, even if she was raped by her father, even if she is likely to die if she carries a child to term. Yet there apparently are women who believe those things, I can tell because they are supporting the very men who have made those comments in this election. I can tell because every Republican woman in the country did not walk away from the Republican Party. I know they find Democrats abhorrent, but they don't have to become Dems. If we can have a Tea Party, we can have a SHE Party.

It is time to stand up and protect our rights. We are guaranteed freedom of speech so that we cannot be punished for disagreeing with the government. Freedom of the Press, so that our reporters can make certain we know what the government is up to. Do you see either of those?
Much of the media is owned by conglomerates that only allow their version of the news.  When  our elected representatives removed the restrictions that prevented Media conglomerates, they deprived us of multiple viewpoints. When the Bush campaign restricted access to campaign appearances to their chosen few, they denied us freedom of speech. You can disagree with the candidate, but not here. When Bush allowed only approved reported to cover his wars, he denied freedom of the press.

It is time that the American public recognized reality. We have allowed too many rights to be eroded. We no longer have a right to a reasonable expectation of privacy.The government doesn't even need to show probably cause, all they have to do is play the 'suspected terrorist' card and they can do whatever they want.  Even something as innocent as forgetting to carry your driver's license can get you placed in the suspect file.

Terrorism and Socialism - those are the strings the puppet masters pull and America dances. Yet hardly anyone seems to be afraid of the true threat - the incessant erosion of our rights. We have:

• The right to speak freely, whether the government likes it or not, whether anyone likes it or not.

• The right to truth from the media, without government interference or controll.

• The right to bear arms. Nothing in that says we shouldn't register those arms or that we should each have enough guns to start our own army. And the right to bear arms isn't the same as the right to use those arms to manipulate others. 
  
• The right to chose our own religion or absence thereof. Even Muslims and Satanists and Mormons.
  
• The right to a speedy trial. Not the right to a speedy trial unless the government decided you might have terrorist connections.
  
• The right to a trial by jury. Not the right to a trial by jury unless the government decided you might be connected to terrorism.

The Constitution also clearly states that just because a specific right isn't mentioned, that does not     mean the right does not exist. If one person in this country has the right to choose their     marriage partner, all persons have that right regardless of how upsetting any other person     might find it.
Starting today, evaluate what the politicians tell you. Fact check the advertisements -all of them, not just the ones on the "other side". Demand truth and transparency from the candidates and the government and if you don't get it, vote against them.

I'm talking to the 37% who don't think they are part of the 47% Romney disparaged. If you have ever had a student loan, a tax refund, an SBA loan, flown on an airplane, traveled on an interstate highway, been protected by an American soldier,or any one of hundreds of other things we take for granted every single day then you have benefitted from government programs. We are ALL the 47% of Americans that Romney denigrates. His defense of that speech was that he was just telling his rich patrons what they wanted to hear. Why does anyone think he's not doing exactly the same thing to the American public?

The argument against Obama seems to be that he hasn't fixed the economy yet. Improvements don't matter - people want back everything they lost and more, and they want it yesterday. Only, how many individuals have managed to fix their own personal financial woes? Why not? Oh, did you say 'it takes time'? And a little cooperation from banks and creditors? Yes it does, for us. For the President it also takes cooperation from Congress and the Senate, and that has been sadly lacking.  So go elect representatives who will put aside partisan bickering and work together to find solutions. You know, people who care about the citizens of this country, not just about getting richer.

Fear of Anonymity and Fear of Recognition

I was reading a post about creativity blocks. The number one block listed was fear of ridicule, which, ahem, got me thinking...

I'm not particularly afraid of ridicule. I don't like it, but I guess I've been exposed to enough critique of my artwork to know that some people are just going to hate what I do and others will love it. What I realized is that I'm afraid no one will notice and I'm afraid they will notice. Say what? you may ask. I'll explain.

I write this blog aware that about 2 people ever read it.  I had a grand opening for a business once - two people came, one of whom is probably reading this blog (Thanks, Phyllis!) I know a lot of people who have held some event and worried that no one would come. I've actually experienced that, which should explain the fear of anonymity!

In a weird way, I'm used to going unnoticed, so I'm also not used to much attention being focused on me. In some ways, that's very liberating. Oddly, I can stand up in front of 400 people and talk, no problem. But let heads turn when I walk into a room and it terrifies me.

The end result is about the same as if I were afraid of being ridiculed for my efforts. I have wonderful ideas and I put those into action, but I have no idea how to get them out into the world. I don't have that infinite network of friends and associates that seems to help other people launch. I'm afraid to say Hey, semi-stranger, what do you think about this? because first, I am afraid they won't respond and, second, I'm afraid they will!

Maybe that translates to fear of rejection? I'm afraid they won't respond, that they'll dismiss me as not worthy of their time and attention. And if they do respond, I'm afraid they'll decide they needn't have bothered. What makes that all totally whacked (instead of just somewhat whacked) is that I'm not at all afraid that they'll reject my work. My work is valid. It's my worth I doubt.

The blog post I linked to above, the beast that started this introspection, is short and to the point. It made me think. Perhaps the revelation it caused will make me grow. Knowing, as they say, is half the battle - but acting on what you know - that's the hard part.

CaveDude and the Creative Spark

Are you afraid that people will laugh at your ideas? Guess what? You’re right. There will always be people who laugh at you, whether you do anything or not. Some people will dis you for sharing ideas; others dis you for not sharing them. They don’t matter. Seriously, the people who put others down – they are just trying to fulfill a need of their own – the need to feel less inferior. Yes, I said less inferior, not superior. It’s almost the same thing. Some folk desperately need to be better than others, but most just want to feel equal. They want to be ‘as good as’.

Some people will give you an honest assessment of your ideas. Often that starts with ‘that won’t work because….’ You have options. Ignore them. Listen to them. Listen, then resolve the buts.  If the ‘because’ is a valid point, work it out. Imagine CaveDude making a wheelbarrow to haul home the mastodon. CaveBuddy says ‘That won’t work, squares don’t roll.’ Valid. Round rolls. Problem resolved, roll that mastodon home and fire up the grill. CaveDude could have ignored this, discovered his idea didn’t work, and dragged the mastodon home the old way. He could have listened, said ‘Duh!’ and given up right then. Not our guy. He figured out how to roll.

That is what creativity is – finding a solution. CaveDude had options. Rocks are roundish. Lay the mastodon on rocks and push (or pull.) When you get to the edge of the rocks, run the rocks at the back up to the front and repeat. Sounds like more work than just dragging the beast home, doesn’t it? Trees are roundish too. Cut down a bunch of trees and – well, that works the same way the rocks did. Inventing the wheel took a lot of trial and error. A lot of work goes into the failures and almost-ran’s. Persistence and creative thinking invented the wheel. You know CaveDude’s people were persistent. They had to be to get that mastodon home. They had to be creative too, to figure out an effective way of hunting and killing something that could just stomp them to death.

That is what fuels creativity – need. Sure, they could wait around for an animal to get killed or die on its own. Hungry waiting and a lot of competition for the meat from other carnivores. Better to figure out how to get meat without waiting for something to keel over spontaneously. Hmmm. Sneak up on the mastodon while it sleeps and club it to death.  That probably worked some of the time, but I bet most of the time the mastodon woke up and stomped him some CaveDudes. CaveBuddy, watching from over there must have decided distance was good. He probably threw rocks, which would have just made the mastodon mad most of the time. Stomp. Try a sharp stick. Hey, not bad. Just stay out of the way while the beast rampages himself to death, then fetch the meat. Except, well, there went more CaveDudes lost in the rampage. More distance… yeah.

Hunting techniques evolved through necessity. Can you imagine how CaveDude would have reacted if MusketDude had suddenly appeared and shot the mastodon? KABOOM, plop. On the other hand, what if CaveBuddy had described his idea for a stick that fired rock-sized projectiles at the mastodon from a distance? CaveDude would have thwacked CaveBuddy upside the head and grunted the equivalent of “You moron, lay off the freaking mushrooms, will ya?!”

Is there a point to all this? You bet yer sweet bippy there is. Let ‘em  laugh. You go right ahead and innovate, CaveBuddy. The world needs more folk like you.

Elemental Journey: Can you trace your soul's evolution through time?

There is art work and music that speaks to me, and there is artwork and music that leaves me cold. Native American music makes my teeth itch. The artworks baffle me. That bear doesn't say 'bear' to me. I love the idea of the totem pole, but not so much the carvings on it. On the other hand, the first time I heard bagpipes, I was transported. I knew instantly what they were and I loved them. Uilleann pipes touch something inside that vibrates and spins.  Celtic knots thrill me, Celtic crosses delight me.

Both of these cultures are part of my genetic make-up, yet only one speaks to me. Is that because the European influence is more deeply engraved through multiple existences? Did I, perhaps, experience more incarnations along that particular path? What really got me thinking was Cycladic carvings. I don't like most 'primitive' art. Fertility sculptures, Egyptian hieroglyphs, these all strike me as kindergarten doodling. I look at them and wonder how a culture could fail to evolve artistically for ages on end. How is it that the faces never got more realistic? The carvings remained exaggerated.

Realistically, the carvings are religious icons so changing them would be bizarre. That makes me think perhaps I traveled a more interpretive path. Hieroglyphs didn't change because they are written language, but it still seems like there should have been stylistic representations of a calligraphic nature. Neither of these ancient art forms seem artistic to me because there aren't variations on the themes.

Looking at Cycladic sculptures, I was instantly smitten. They are primitive; no facial detail, not a lot of variation on the basic pose. These are thought to be funereal carvings, found in graves with no eyes or mouth and arms folded across the body. They have different head shapes, some have wide shoulders, some not. Some are clearly tall people, others are more petite. These feel like art to me, individual expressions rather than carbon copies. Clean lines, soft curves.

Then I considered architecture. I love the clean lines of Greek architecture, and the arches of Gothic cathedrals, but not Japanese architectural lines or the stalactite-like garishness of Italianate cathedrals. I adore the curvaceousness of mud huts and cob houses, that sort of man-made cave feeling, but not the fluid lines of India's temples.

Trace a line on a map, from the earliest arts and architectures I like, through to today, and you trace a line from Greek Islands, across Europe to the British Isles. Through the British Isles from Wales, into Ireland, to Scotland. A specific route, with the Scottish influences being the strongest of the three, so I suspect that to be the most recent 'incarnation period' for me.

The entire concept pleases me in a way that feels right, like a tiny epiphany. In a way, it's like looking at a face in the crowd in a photograph from the past and suddenly realizing the face is your own. Finding bits and pieces that come together to make an unexpected whole. This is how I came to be who I am, this is the path I traveled, these are the peoples I knew, those are the experiences I had.

If you traced a path back in time, through art, architecture, music, even belief, where would you find yourself? Would you find yourself? Would something suddenly make sense that never did before? Could the path ahead become more visible if you knew the path behind? It all makes me think of a song from the 70's:
"Do you know where you're going to?...Do you know what you're hoping for? When you look behind you there's no open door, what are you hoping for? Do you know?" (Theme from Mahogany, Performed by Dianna Ross, written by Michael Masser and Gerry Goffen)

Comments welcome.

Living Your Passion

Life is hard work, but it shouldn't actually be a struggle. I mean, if you want to succeed at whatever you're doing, you do have to make an effort. I just think that if you're doing the thing that fits your soul, you don't struggle, seeming to never advance. So how do figure out what fits your soul? Supposedly, the things you are most passionate about indicate your true path.

I'm passionate about learning, creating, and teaching. I like learning just about anything, but the things I return to most often are psychology/philosophy in the form of self-improvement and understanding, and making stuff. I like figuring out how something was made. I like seeing if I can make one too. I like seeing what something can become - like seeing a fork as a giraffe, or figures in driftwood. I like sharing what I know or what I think, when it comes to being a better person. Mostly, "better" means happier. Considering these are life-long endeavors that I haven't stopped pursuing, it seems to me that my true path lies in there somewhere.

I could teach arts and crafts. I like doing them, and I like sharing how, and I am inspired by the things other people think up. I offered art glass classes for nearly a year and never had a single taker. I advertised, I made signs, I did demos. Glass classes aren't exactly cheap, but you'd think there would be one person who actually signed up, right? So, I guess that isn't my 'thing' to teach. Now I am considering doing much less expensive craft classes, teaching fun crafts geared toward people who think they aren't creative but wish they were. I think everyone is creative, some people just need a few successes to open up their imaginations. As I gather ideas and plan out strategy, I keep coming back to a list of failures - including the glass classes mentioned above.

Failures. Weird failures, if you ask me:

•  I volunteered for the Red Cross. They asked me to make one sign. That's all. The coordinator literally told me that they didn't actually need any volunteers, but I could make a sign if I wanted to. I made the sign. I wanted to help somehow. 
• I also volunteered to help at my local library. They had a backroom overflowing with un-shelved books and not enough hands to re-shelve them. I submitted my application to be a volunteer. On the application, I said that I checked out over 300 books a year so it seemed fair to help get them back onto the shelves. No one ever responded to the application in any way, even when I called to inquire about it. I ended up leaving a message that was never returned. 
• I tried to donate a magazine subscription to the library also. Content they didn't have to pay for, I was willing to pay for it since I couldn't seem to give back any other way. I called repeatedly trying to find out how to make the donation. Cash or actual subscription, I didn't care which. I left messages. I went in person to see the head librarian - who was never available whether by phone or in person. No one would or could tell me how to make a small donation to my local library!
• I tried to donate over 1000 snow shovels as a fundraiser item for the local homeless shelter - in winter!  At least there I got to talk to someone who said it had to go to committee and they'd get back to me. No one ever did.

Those are weird failures. I've been in the Salvation Army Thrift Store when someone tried to donate three trailer loads of merchandise from a closed store. The director of that particular shop rejected the donation because she didn't feel she had any room for the merchandise. She suggested he try the church thrift store down the street. He said he already had, and they rejected the offer also. Okay, so at least it isn't just me that can't give away services or products, but come on!

Anyway, I keep coming back to those failures and others. I'm normally a pretty positive person, but I guess it's not real positivity or I wouldn't keep thinking about things that didn't work. I'm at the point where I desperately want to do something that adds value to the world but I'm fatalistic about ever succeeding! If I offer fun, inexpensive classes, will anyone come? It's worth trying, right? Except trying costs money and I'm just about out of spare change. I spent it all trying!

Another of the things I'd like to do is set up sessions that revolve around life-enhancement programs. I find that one of the best ways to cement what you've learned is to help others learn it too. I also find that such sharing helps to keep me motivated through the hard work of improving myself. By improving, I mean I want to be kinder, forgiving, more positive, I just to be a better person. I believe that if you think negative thoughts (like that list of failures!) you get more negative experiences.

By creating a forum to help others, I would also be helping myself to be closer to what I believe is the human ideal. I believe we have total control over our lives, that our thought processes affect our lives, and that we lose connection with our true selves over time. I think very young children still have the 'magic' and we rob them of it with our negative comments and insistence on conformity. I think many great leaders over many centuries have tried to show us the way back to our true nature and we misunderstand the messages. I believe that the only way to really get back there is by helping others. Provide something they need or want. But it can't just be what they need, it has to also be what you neeeeed.

What does that mean 'it has to also be what you neeeeed'? If you are passionate about math,  being a tour guide isn't likely to be fulfilling to you. Likewise, if history is your passion, you aren't likely to enjoy tutoring algebra students. Either one might be capable of the other, but you're less likely to give the same value of service if you aren't following your passion. I think we neeeeed to do the things we are passionate about. I also think that it is pretty common that people have no idea what it is they are passionate about.

I've read a number of blogs and life-improvement books that ask the question "If money and time were no object, what would you choose to do?" That is supposed to give you this lightning insight into what your passions are. Did not work for me. It actually took me 49 years to figure out what I am passionate about. Why? I think it is because we aren't taught to follow our passions, we're told to get a good paying job.

 I knew a college student several years back who was majoring in accounting and minoring in criminal justice. I asked why that combination. He said accounting was boring but pays really well, and criminal justice is fascinating but pays poorly. How happy do you think he'll be working only for money? I know, many people do exactly that. How many of them are actually happy? I know a lot of people who make a lot of money. Many of them dread Mondays. A lot of them have no energy left at the end of the week. I hear a lot of 'I hate my job' and when I ask why they do it, they say they can't afford to do anything else. When I ask what they would do if they could, few people have any ideas. I think that is because they don't believe they will ever have the option to do anything else. Their optimism for life has been dulled by following a path that isn't suited to them. They don't neeeeed to be doing what ever the job is, they just need the money it brings.

There has to be a way to have both your soul needs and monetary needs met. Some people manage to work at a job for pay and spend the rest of their time doing something they truly love, but what I mean is that you ought to be able to get paid for what you love doing. That's an ideal we hear a lot about. Figure out what you love, do it, and the money will automatically follow. Well, not quite. At least, not for most people. Artists and writers would all have all the money they could possibly need if that were true. No parent would ever say 'I know you love knitting socks, but knitting socks won't earn you a living wage.'

I love learning about human nature, spiritual mastery, and how to make practically anything. I love training new coworkers, teaching people how to do anything I know how to do, and discussing the wonders and mysteries of man and the universe. Surely there is a way to do those things and earn a decent living too.

Know Your Competition

Do you know who you're competing against? Do you know why?

It doesn't matter if you are in business or involved in a hobby. You're competing with someone. Most businesses are striving to outdo the competition, either in better service, making more money, selling more widgets - possibly all three and more. Most people are doing the same thing, trying to make more money than Bob, have a bigger house, faster car, be a better golfer / artist / tinkerer, have more 'friends' or 'followers', whatever.

Way back in high school, I knew a multi-talented girl. She could draw. She had a beautiful voice. She played half a dozen instruments well and taught violin and piano. She got excellent grades, and she was fun. There were two other girls who each excelled at one of the things Jean did well. Dana was an outstanding soprano. Tina was an outstanding artist.

The animosity between the singers was palpable. They got into arguments, they trash talked about each other, they shared ugly looks in the hallways. They were jealous of each others talent and successes, and reveled in each others failures. Not pretty.

Between the artists, the animosity was all one-way. Jean expressed negativity toward Tina's artwork. Tina said only kind things or gave honest, constructive criticism in a kind manner. Jean might say 'that line looks a bit thick' after searching the work for flaws, and Tina would say 'You might be right, I'll take a closer look.' And if she agreed, Tina would correct the line. However, if Tina pointed out something that might be improved, Jean would snatch away the work and storm off.

Take a few minutes to truly think about who you compete with, on a personal level. Is it possible that either of these scenarios  describe your behavior? Just possible, I'm not asking you to admit that you occasionally act like a spoiled child - though almost all of us do, sometimes. Can you think of others who act this way? It is easier to see it when someone else is doing it than when we do it ourselves.

Now let me ask you a few questions:
Is Picasso a better artist than Rembrandt?
Is Pavarotti a better singer than Carrie Underwood?
Is Lamborghini a better car maker than Ferrari?
The honest answer to each is No, one is not 'better' than the other, they're just different.

This is true of every human being alive. You're neither 'better' nor 'worse' than anyone else. You might be smarter than Bob, but Bob is a lot friendlier than you are. You might be friendlier than Tom, but Tom is smarter than you are. Big deal. All those little variances are what make the world wonderful. Even if Tom knows way more stuff than you know, you know something Tom doesn't, and Bob knows something you don't. There are people who like you that dislike Bob. There are people who like Tom but dislike you. Big deal.

Quit competing with the rest of the world. Do you know who you should be in competition with? YOU. See if you can be kinder today than yesterday. See if you can handle this paycheck better than you handled the last one. See if you make a firmer, tastier meatloaf than you made last week. See if you can learn 3 new words this week, and use them properly in conversation. Draw a prettier rose, stitch a straighter line, perform a cleaner oil change, handle an argument more gently, offer a more sincere apology, be more patient with the kids or cat or your spouse than last time.

Simply spend your energies on trying to be a better person than you were five minutes ago instead of trying to outdo someone else. Out do You. Not only will people like you more, You'll like you more. You'll feel happier, get better at the things you do, and be more forgiving of yourself and others.

That's what I learned from Tina.

Math is...

I use basic math in my job daily. An example: 12/307+5/33+ 3/17+/50+3/33 where X is whole and /x is partial, so that equation = 23/540 ./. 60  = 32.  Because I use this everyday, I do this in my head. Add this, add that, divide, add the whole to the whole /remainder. (In this example, there was no remainder.) To me, this is elementary. I tried to show a co-worker how to do this because I made my calculations in seconds and her method took about 4.5 minutes (of what appeared to be shear torture.) I confused her as much as dy/dx = tan(y) * cos(4x) (0 < y < pi/2) confuses me.

I think math is fascinating. There are vast quantities of it that leave me lost, confused, and frustrated, but it is still fascinating. Math knows everything. A long historical time ago, we didn't have math. We didn't even have +/-. When we got +/-, it was so the money changers could denote overages and shortages in gold weights. A plug was made to be the balance and gold was weighed against the plug. A match was =, a shortage was noted as -, an overage as +. Eventually those symbols gained names.

Imagine this! Until we had +/-, we had no concept of math. We could tell that xxxx was similar to cccc, and that xxxx was the same as xxxx but different from xxx and xxxxx. We could decide we'd rather have xxxxx, and we'd rather trade xxx to get it, but we couldn't say why that was. When I was a kid, my mother said "I don't understand this new math" so she couldn't help my brother with algebra. Algebra was new when I was young. 1+1 was only several hundred years old, but    was new. With math, we start understanding space and nature. But math is a language, and a lot us don't speak it. Some are fluent, some are tourists, some are strangers altogether.

I had a fantastic teacher once, Professor MacKenzie, who subbed in my 11th grade psych class for a full semester. He was mind blowing - he forgot we were not grad students and taught us as if we were intelligent beings, unlike the teacher he was subbing for, who treated us like moronic gnats. Anyway, the first thing I remember learning from Prof. MacKenzie - by way of aplogy for getting ahead of our knowledge - is that when the student fails to learn, it is because the teacher has failed to teach at a level the student can understand.  That's right. I had a teacher who said that if I failed to learn it was HIS fault for not teaching me in a way I could understand.

The shows that fascinate me are the ones that play with science and math. Bones, CSI, Lie to Me, Numbers. I'm waiting for some brilliant writer to put them all together. People can understand physics and math. We don't think we can because physicists and mathematicians don't usually know how to speak their language and ours too, but when we get a translator - like Neil De Grasse Tyson, or Michio Kaku - we can. Maybe I'll never solve some scientific conundrum, but I can grasp the idea and so can you. All we need is the right teacher.

 

Creativity

I'm an artist. As an artist, I draw inspiration from every thing. I see what others do, I am inspired. I hear, I am inspired. I read, I am inspired. In the art world, there is this weird idea that derivative works are theft unless you admit they are derived from someone specific. How do you that? I might have seen something thirty years ago that bubbles up to lend an aspect to something I create today. I'm a compulsive reader, I read probably 300 books a year. Some of those are all words, some are art books, some are a mix of words and images. All that sinks into my brain and percolates. It might inspire immediate response, as this post was inspired by this TED talk. It might simmer for a week or a year, or decades, before bubbling up to influence my words, actions, creations.

I rarely sign my work. I have friends who fuss at me about that - how can I ever get famous if I don't sign my work? My answer is that I am only the conduit, I'm not the art. Ideas float around and some of them enter my head. The only way to get them out of my head is to make them. I might envision one thing, but part way through the creation, the creation takes over and becomes what It wants to be. It develops a voice, a way of moving, a personality that I experience whenever I see it (or read it). That's not my creation, any more than the child you gave life to is your creation. I am only the conduit.

One of the things I love about now, the 21st century I live in, is that art has exploded. Art is every where. Art is The Field. Writers are every where. Artists, musicians, makers of things. In this world, people get an idea and they must create. What brought that about? The internet, computers, global access to inspiration. Disney might get tetchy over someone using a clip from Snow White, but Disney did not create that story, they used it. Can you imagine Shakespeare rising up to protest West Side Story?

When I create something, it is my iteration of a previous concept. I deserve to profit from my iteration. When Harvey comes along, takes a snippet of what I made and uses it within his expression, Harvey deserves to profit from his iteration. I'm not talking about painting portraits of Disney's Snow White and selling them, I'm talking about using her withing a larger framework, such as plopping her image into a stark photograph of a crackhouse to make a new iteration, to express an idea in a way that highlights a concept. If Harvey took my creation and passed it off as entirely his own, Harvey would be wrong. However, if Harvey photographs my sculpture, takes it into photoshop and alters it, then makes the mouth move to a mash up of 'I Feel Pretty' and 'Born This Way', I say Go Harvey, you ROCK! It's nice that Harvey gave credit to me for the sculpture, and to the recording artists for the music. That gives us all a little more exposure. It might make some one look up 'I feel pretty' and expose them to something new. It might inspire someone to be who they are, instead of who they have been told to be. And along the way, Harvey - and the millions of 21st century artists inspired by current technology - has put together something that was not 'drempt of in your philosophy, Horatio.' They have expanded consciousness, awakened awareness, invoked wonder.

Judging our judgments

Everybody judges. It's human nature. I don't think judging is bad, all by itself. Problems arise when we fail to examine our judgements.

'Oh, look at her - can you believe she's wearing that? Doesn't she own a mirror?'
The question here is why shouldn't she dress however she chooses? We're big on dress to impress as long as it impresses us. We're big on dress to express, too - but only when it's our expression or we approve of what the other person is 'saying'.

When I find that my first reaction is 'doesn't she own a mirror?' I give myself a mental shake. I don't know that she isn't looking at me thinking the same thing. I ask me who I am to judge her choices - or anyone's choices.

I don't know what you've been through, how you feel, what you want, I don't really know anything about anyone. I might know what you choose to tell me, but I don't know where that fits in your philosophy. Most of the time, we don't know where our own thoughts fit in our philosophy - that's what life is about: figuring out who we are and how we react to the world around us. Examining our judgements is one way to figure it out.

Who knows Where or When?

  Mysterious disappearances ...There are some other cases when disappearances are really mysterious. Starting from the crew of the ship Mary Celeste ... some people seem to have gone from the face of Earth, leaving absolutely no trace behind them. (Link)

Michio Kaku (Click the link to hear Kaku explain this. His explanations make physics seem quite easy. Just please remember to come back and finish this article! Kaku is fascinating.) talks about how the particles that make up our bodies don't stay in our bodies. Particles wander about. So what if a massive quantity of particles went on walkabout at the same time? Is it possible that the entire crew of the Mary Celeste rode into a particle storm that transported all the living matter elsewhere? Wouldn't that be wild?

As Michio Kaku explains in the video, parts of you and me are conceivably hanging out on Mars right now. I wonder if the probabilities could converge in such a way as to take an entire person elsewhere - or even elsewhen. 

I also wonder if, having picked up all the particles that comprise a single person, would those particles all go to the same place or would they separate and spread out across multiple universes and dimensions?  If so, then maybe the reason two people on opposite sides of the world get similar ideas at similar times is because particles of one being have landed in them both.

Scientists often race to publish before someone else beats them to it because this does happen.  Charles Darwin and Alfred Wallace both came to similar conclusions about evolution about the same time. You can see some others here.

I'd love to hear your ideas on this. It seems both farfetched and perfectly logical, so feel free to (rationally) expound in whatever direction it leads you.

Human Memory and Information Processing; The Net's tangled web.

This article, The Google Effect , discusses the effect search engines have on our memories. Basically, we keep information we need but cannot access easily elsewhere in our memories. Before calculators, people could easily spout the answers to 9x6 or 15x5. Now most people either reach for a calculator or pen and paper to find the answer. Prior to spell check, we had to learn to spell each word. (That explains the abundance of then/than, where/wear, and other such errors!) Can you tell me the phone number of someone you call frequently? Without looking it up on your cell phone? Probably not. You don't have to remember the number because your phone does it for you.

That we can easily look up information is wonderful. I'm not sure it's so good for our ability to process information though. As children, most of us learned capitals of states and countries. We used that information to process other information. Imagine reading a news story about Nazi sympathizers Paris and not knowing what country Paris is in. If you don't know it is in France, the you might miss important clues that help you process the story. Knowing, and being able to recall, the location and history of Paris adds layers of meaning to the story.

Additionally, stored knowledge helps us make connections that we might otherwise miss. If you know that Druids wore robes and came from the British Isles, that much of the mountainous south in the United States was settled by Scottish Highlanders, and that those highlanders tended to be quite insular and fractious, then it is easier to make a connection between clan and Klan. If you also understand the ancient need for groups to be insular and tight knit in order to survive, the necessity of distinguishing between 'us' and 'them' in a place and time where competition for scarce resources was heavy, then it becomes easier to understand how human nature leads to exclusionary practices such as racism, sexism, and religionism.

What we understand, we can change. If we can't make the connections, we don't see the bigger picture, and so we lack the information necessary to recognize problems before they get out of hand. I love the availability of information on the internet. I can access books that I would never have known existed, I can learn how to do practically anything, and I am exposed to people and cultures that I might never have imagined without the internet. At the same time, however, I am less likely to clearly recall information because I know I don't have to store it in my memory in order to access it.

I think, therefore I become what I think.

Your mind changes - literally - as your mind changes.

Change your lifestyle, change your behavior, and you change your genes. Who knew? Your genes do what you tell them!

You are energy. A computer of sorts. Whatever you experience changes your biology based on your perception of the experience. You compute the event and your computation determines the effect the event has on your biology.

You change time with your perceptions. Something fun seems fast, something boring seems slow. Also, something epic seems to make time stand still - because you stopped noticing time. Something horrible can make time seem to speed up - because you perceive time as running out.

Attention, and intention, change you. What you focus on, thrives. Whether you focus on blessing or misery, you get more of the same. Try it. If you think of something that made you sad, you will perceive current events in a way that adds to your sadness. Think of something that pleased you, and current events are more pleasing.

Add these all together - YOU control your destiny, YOU control your perceptions, YOU control your happiness.  No one can MAKE you unhappy, you do it that to yourself by focusing on the actions of others in ways that focus on the misery. No one can make you do anything. You always have choices. By blaming X for making us do Y, we deny our own power and our own responsibility for ourselves.

If you hold a gun to my head, I have the options of: 1) doing as you say, 2) not doing as you say.  Either way, I decide which to do. While I'd like to believe that I'd be brave enough to refuse to do your bidding, I'd probably do as I was told simply because I would be anticipating the pain of being shot. That is 'living in the future' - fearing what might come rather than experiencing what is present.

After the event, I can blame you for forcing me, or I can admit that I chose what I perceived to be the least painful path. I chose. Mind you, my decision was coerced - I'm not saying you have no responsibility. You are responsible for your actions. I'm also not saying that victims always have choices. A baby has no choices, it can't possibly stand up to an adult. But there does come a point when we can stand up and make choices, and we often choose to blame others for the choices we make.

When we honestly don't have a choice, and when we choose to survive, we have to learn to forgive ourselves for having been victimized! And we have to learn to forgive those who wronged us. Otherwise, we remain victims. Those who hurt us don't suffer when we don't forgive them, we do. We suffer because we give the past power over the present. Forgiving is NOT excusing. It isn't saying 'it's okay that you did this', it is saying ' I'm moving on, you have no power over me.'

 So, these two options I have in perception - being the victim or being the one who chose my action - are reflected in my mind and body. I can stand tall or I can huddle into myself. Standing tall is reflected in my health and perceptions - I get sick less often, I have fewer regrets, I feel less fear and experience more joys.  Huddling is likewise reflected. I am more easily frightened, I am more susceptible to illness, I spend a lot of time thinking 'if only'.

The really cool thing about the mind/body connection is that simply standing taller can make you feel better. Try that. Hunch up, like you are afraid someone is going to hit you, and pay attention to your emotional state. Now stand tall, and pay attention to your feelings. One feels much better than the other, doesn't it?

Where ever you are, walk like you own the place. When you do something well, celebrate it, not matter how small it might seem. Finished the crossword? YES! Made a decent scrambled egg? (My personal challenge.) YES! I MADE A GREAT EGG!

Celebrate every single thing you possibly can. Pretty day? Celebrate. raining cats and dogs? Celebrate that too, because rain brings food and flowers, and keeps the dust down. Broke your finger? Celebrate not breaking your arm. The opposite is to moan about the rain and the broken finger, which will only make you more aware of every minor thing that goes wrong.

The other day, I lost an envelope of money. Now, I can dwell on the loss - which definitely annoyed me - or I can be thankful that I had taken most of the money out of the envelope before I lost it.  I am glad of that, and in spite of this long post about how we control our perceptions, I have to admit that being aware of the loss generates feelings of scarcity. So I have to make a conscious effort to focus on abundance to counteract the feeling of scarcity.

Yesterday was a sad anniversary for my family, the birthday of a child who died young. It was also a happy anniversary, the birthday of a child we were allowed to love and cherish. When I paid attention to the loss, the day was miserable. I found dozens of connected memories that exacerbated the misery. When I chose to focus on the blessings attached to the day, everything felt better. There is nothing in the past that we can change, except how we look back.

We can't control the future, we can't change the past, we can only live in this moment, and in this moment, we have to chose whether we are going to be happy or miserable. What we choose alters our brain chemistry, which alters our bodies, which alters our perceptions. It's a circle, and we have to chose which side of the circle to stand on.

Every One of us IS creative.

This man is in my head, reading my thoughts.  (That's a link. Click it.)

This describes exactly how I feel when someone marvels over something I created. And this is exactly why I insist that Every One of us IS creative. Watch it. Think about it. Go amaze someone.

I found this video on theageofreason.org If I linked every thing there that got me thinking, I'd just link everything there. The video is a teaser to lead you to the Age of Reason. Something to think about.

Scroobius Pip, A letter from God to Man.

Body Images

In ninth grade, I was in chorus. It was a very egalitarian chorus, they didn’t mind if you weren’t fabulous. I wasn’t fabulous. I love to sing. I think everyone should sing, out loud, in public, whenever the spirit hits them. Singing frees up your soul. Singing is the wings on the angels, its what lets them soar. If I am sad, music picks me up. I have a weird line up of records to play, specific songs from each, to lift me. I start with The Mills Brothers. By the time I’ve played the first three or four songs in my line-up, I’m down right cheerful. I progress through the songs, each perkier than the last, then wander through many other albums, singing my heart out.  I may start with Mood Indigo, but I end up somewhere around Aerosmith, The Rave-Ups, and They Might Be Giants. Singing makes me happy.

Anyway, in ninth grade chorus, there was a girl who looked like the meanest girl on the planet. She had jet black hair, DoubleD breasts, and a vicious scowl. She scared me. She was quite pretty but mean looking. Now, our chorus room had bleachers. We’d line up on the bleachers just as we did on the stage for concerts, and that’s how we practiced. One particular day, the teacher called the Sopranos down to the piano to do warm ups, and this mean faced girl was the first to arrive there. She stopped on the lowest tier of the bleachers, lifted up those DoubleD tits, and dropped them on top of the piano! And then she smiled.

This was the first time I ever saw her smile. Her face lit up. She lit up. She became, in that moment, the most beautiful person I had ever seen. This was a joy like I had never expected her to possess, and I suddenly understood that those massive breasts caused her a lot of pain. I suspected there was plenty of emotional pain, since young males were (are) enormously distracted by tits and hers were enormously distracting even if you weren’t interested in tits. I wondered how she could ever know if a boy liked the person behind the breasts. That isn’t the pain I suddenly understood.

It was the recognition that large breasts were heavy that struck me; the slow comprehension that this weight pulled her off balance and required her spine and muscles to work constantly to keep her balanced and upright. I don’t think I ever would have understood that if I hadn’t seen her drop those boulders on top of the piano and smile that stunning smile.  Whenever I see one of those women who have had mega-implants installed, I think of this girl.

I think it odd that people never seem happy with how they look. Girls with straight hair get perms, girls with curly hair iron it flat.  We get breast implants or reductions, tummy tucks, nose jobs – now having your lips fattened is the thing. I don’t get that, at all. Most of the women I see with that lip thing have weird looking mouths. Honestly, to me, it looks like they have a vagina on their faces, which is probably why so many men think this is sexy. This fixation with altering appearance isn’t restricted to women. Men do it with bodybuilding, often going to bizarre extremes.

We tan, tattoo, make-up, curl/straighten/dye/cut, nip, tuck, inflate, and pierce. Using our bodies, we find infinite way to express who we are. Our bodies and faces are the ultimate canvas on which we display our creativity and individuality. If we don’t like something, we change it, sometimes permanently, sometimes not. I wonder that girl from chorus had her breasts reduced. I wonder if the lip-fattening women have regrets. I wonder. Mostly I wonder if these changes give the sculptee lasting pleasure. What I mean is that plump lips or big tits don’t change who you are, and if who you are doesn’t change, how you feel inside doesn’t change either. It doesn’t matter how you look - pretty does not equal happy. Change how you think and you change how happy you are. Change how you look and you change how you look.

Mostly. Seriously, not every one has cosmetic surgery to be more popular or sexier. Not everyone pumps iron to get hulking. There’s nothing wrong with making yourself over in your own image. Just take a good look inside and see why you are doing it. If you are doing it to ‘make’ yourself happy, it isn’t going to work. If you’re doing because the outer you doesn’t reflect the inner you, go for it. Just be honest with yourself.

© Copyright 2011 Rikki Ansell

all rights reserved

Walking inside the Clouds

I love fog. Fog is magical. Fog wipes away the 'what is' and opens the door to the 'what might be'. You can be anywhere, in a fog. A plain old field by light of day becomes another country or planet in a fog. You could be Underhill, trudging across the frozen tundras, or weightless on the moon, in a fog. Creatures that might shy away from humans come out and cavort in a fog. Fairies love a fog, ask any will-o-the-wisp! Familiar things take on new dimensions, the outlines blur and the colors dim. Its easy to believe that a tree might uproot itself and go for a stroll, in a fog. Sound, too, becomes magical in a fog. Voices carry across the field, so those far away sound near, and those near sound distant. Water babbles better in the fog. You can almost make out the words. I think that is the water nymphs teasing me. So here is the fog; where the world is something other than it was, where faeries romp and dryads walk their trees; where water nymphs sing and laugh and splash about. Here is fog; where you can be transported to any place that you can imagine, and several you never thought of. Here is fog; where imagination, and magic, and possibility are one.

I love fog. I had the pleasure of driving around in it all night. I know most drivers dislike the fog, it does make things iffy, but I love it. Ugly places look pretty in fog. Pretty places look ethereal, but ugly ones suddenly become lovely. The photograph at the top of the post is a small street that runs between two shopping centers. Shopping centers are not pretty. If you stand where I stood, without fog, all you see are squat little buildings. With fog, its a landing strip on another planet. Fog is best in the dark, second best just as day begins to break. Once the sun is up, the fog quickly dissipates. If it sticks around, it backs off, like a shy child. Or, as it did this morning, it wanders off to visit with the cows.

 Even if you don't go off on fantastic journeys to otherworldly places, fog is fabulous. The idea of being inside of a cloud is just wonderful. When I see clouds in the sky, I always wonder if there are beings walking around inside of it. If I were light enough to walk inside a sky cloud, I imagine it would be sort of springy and firm. It would cradle me in safety, yet let me climb and descend as I chose.  I imagine the tops as being very fluffy so my feet could sink in, and the bottoms as being sort of thick and firm, like the skin on a pudding, keeping me from falling through the cloud.  I love to find a light source and look at the millions of droplets that form the cloud/fog.  When you see a cloud in the sky, it is hard to believe that it is not solid. It looks firm and fluffy, like whipped cream. But when it sits on the ground and you stand inside it, it isn't solid. You can clearly see the spaces between the droplets. Being inside a cloud makes quantum physics make sense. Nothing is solid, its just that we are bigger than the spaces between, and so we don't fall through.

I love fog.

Plausible Humor

I just watched an episode of Two Broke Girls. I wish they'd write a little more realistically, though the idea of buying one of a kind designer jewelery in the bathroom is amusing. What I am wondering is why these girls would hike all over town trying to get a decent price for the gold content of unique, collectible rings. Why not auction them off? If the best the gold monkeys would offer is $225 for one ring, start the bidding at $225. Seems like something a rich girl would know. I'm a poor girl and I know it.

This is why I don't write comedy, I guess.  I need it to be plausible. I think there's plenty of fodder for realistic comedy. People do some whacked shit. My sister mentioned that someone had sent a Christmas card to her office, which was passed around so everyone could read it. One guy signed it and passed the card and pen to the next employee. Perfectly natural and funny as hell. Funny is stuff we might actually do. I guess that's why I found the idea of selling rings in the bathroom funny - I can see that as something that could happen.

I had a guy offer me $2 for a cigarette in New york City about ten years ago. I gave him two cigarettes, no charge. I can imagine getting busting for black-market cigarette distribution because you sold a 30cent Virginia cigarette for $2 in NYC. It's ridiculous but plausible. Cigarettes are a controlled substance. I can see the beggar being undercover, and having twenty ATF agents drop into a crouch and whip out gold-plated Glocks for the bust would just be funny.

Something else I find amusing is when someone unwittingly tosses out double entendres. You know the sort I mean, the ones that just silence all conversation for a moment while everyone looks at the poor innocent who said it. We had awesome little chocolate cookies at work the other night. Some of them had white chocolate kisses on them, some had maraschino cherries. One of the guys walked over to the cookies and said - enthusiastically - "Yeah, we got some good cherry action going on over here."  Half a dozen amused faces looked up from paperwork and one voice said "Dude, are you fornicating with the cookies again? Didn't we talk to you about that?" Then the sheer joy of watching as the innocent realizes what he said to begin with. It's just funny.

I think the problem with sit-coms is that they tend to lock the characters into a particular sort of behavior. The characters aren't fully developed, they're just caracatures. Constant short jokes aren't funny after a while. What is funny is seeing tall people and short people working in the same space. Every one puts things down where they can easily reach them again. If one guy is 6-foot-something and the other is barely 5 feet tall, they aren't going to agree on what is reachable. It's even funnier if the tall person is female and the short person male. When he climbs up to where she put the salt shaker, he is suddenly confronted with tampons or a stash of K-Y. Or she has to get under the counter to find a bowl he put away and finds a copy of Bestiality magazine open to the centerfold.

That's funny on different levels. First, just being faced with the unexpected is funny. None of those items belong in a kitchen, most men are wigged out by feminine accoutrements, and most women would be appalled to be flashed by the centerfold of a tasteful magazine; Bestiality magazine would just exaggerate the disgust. Not to mention, anyone finding that magazine in the kitchen is going to think twice before eating the turkey.

Second, it's funny because it makes us think about our world view. I imagine really tall people see a lot of crooked hair parts, dandruff, and bald spots.Not to mention, cleavage. Really short people probably notice double chins, nose hair, and buggers. For either to suddenly see the world from a different height opens up huge potential for comedy. I can just see the guy using the K-Y in place of WD-40 to oil a hinge, or the girl shoving the centerfold under the stove as a roach repellent.

Good Time Charlie's Got the Blues (Or Why emotional scenes are so hard to write.)

I suck at mopey. I always have. Oh, I can kick out a mean moping, wallow in the mire of misery, I just suck at putting it into words.  John Steinbeck did good mopey stuff. It was honest. People suffering life, and while they were sad stories, they were full of life too. Poe can mope in style - read Annabelle Lee. I write bad mope. The whiny sort of crap that makes you scream "Oh, fergodssakes, JUMP already!"
What brings this up?, you might ask.
I'm watching a movie - Hope Floats. Here's a woman who is hurting, and the story is real. I mean, its believably written. When I write it, it feels contrived and embarrassing. I think writing sorrow is too much like letting down defenses. It's uncomfortable and when I read what I wrote, it sounds stilted. It makes me cringe. Obviously I need to practice.

I titled this piece after a song - Good Time Charlie's Got the Blues. Everybody gets the blues sometimes. (That's another song. Lets see how many I can reference in one paragraph and stay on topic.) We all have times when no matter how bright the sun is outside, it's raining inside (Sunrise - Uriah Heep). Since these are universal emotions, you'd think they'd be easier to put down on paper. Sometimes the words are too personal, at least for me. And if I think too much while I am writing it, it stinks. But if I don't think, if I just let the words flow, its too personal and I can't bear to let it go public. The weird thing about that is that it doesn't have to be something I've actually experienced and it can still end up feeling way too personal.

Anywho, Hope Floats. This is a good movie. There's a lot of life in it. It starts out with our heroine learning - on live television- that her husband and best friend are having an affair. That made me think of all the crappy shows we have like that. Why do people watch? Why do people want to see someone's life ripped to pieces like that? And why do people go on those shows? I totally do not get this. Why trick someone into that kind of humiliation? Just as bad are the people who go on thinking they are going to humiliate someone else and not recognizing how badly they come off, themselves. I also don't get why anyone would do televised court TV.

This goes back to the "too public" thing I was talking about earlier. I think its mostly good that we don't cave in to 'shame', but I also think its maybe a little bad that we don't seem to have any shame either. I remember thinking, back in the '90's, that it was rather nice that chubby females were not ashamed of being chubby. In the '70's thin was definitely 'in' and chubby girls did everything they could to hide their weight. In the early '90's that changed, which is mostly good. You shouldn't be ashamed of your body and it ought to be okay to not be perfect.

You shouldn't be ashamed that once upon a time you made some mistake that probably felt like the end of the world at the time. Doing stupid stuff is part of growing. Everyone makes mistakes but doing the same stupid stuff repeatedly is just stupid. Don't be ashamed of the things you actually learned some lesson from. By the same token, you shouldn't really wear your past idiocies as some sort of Badge of Glory either.

Somehow we've gone to the other extreme. A hundred years ago, you could never live down some mistakes. Now we act like they are something to be proud of. No middle ground. Same with weight - we went from semi-starved to fat, and every body is still half dressed. We have guts hanging out and butt cracks escaping. I still believe we should not be ashamed of our bodies, but I wish we took a little better care of them!

I think they put the televised humiliation scene into the movie hoping to make a point. It repeats later, a different scene, but we get to see the reaction of the heroine to someone else's suffering. Maybe it made a few people realize how ugly those shows are. It was another scene that made me aware of how awkward my written emotional scenes are compared to how well done this scene was.

I make connections. So this scenario also brought to mind the other TV shows - the ones that supposedly are meant to educate the public - like "Hoarders". Supposedly they are trying to get people to understand that this lifestyle isn't a choice, it's an illness. The shows aren't popular because viewers want to see people get help. Humans are judgmental and these shows feed that.

People often say that children are cruel. I think humans have a stunning capacity for cruelty. That makes writing emotional scenes even harder. You're trying to convey the misery without eliciting the ridicule factor. 'Hope Floats' used visuals to keep the sympathy with the heroine. The 'best friend' was less attractive, poorly groomed, slightly sleazy looking. The heroine was pretty, dignified and reacted with quiet grace. The husband was a jerk.

The acting is what made the scene, not the writing. Movie scripts are sparse, unlike books. A book might describe the look on her face, the tremble in her shoulders. A book might state that she held back her tears, and might give insight into her thoughts. Movie scripts do not. The dialog is interpreted by the director and actors, so what the writer envisioned and what gets acted out may not match. This is why movies are rarely what the book reader expected.

I watched this scene and wondered if I could write it as a book scene. This is when I admitted to myself that I suck at writing this sort of scene and started figuring out why I find these scenes so challenging. Shame and judgment are inherently connected. I think people try so hard to suppress feeling shame that it makes them even more judgmental, as a sort of defense mechanism.  I get very attached to my characters. I become protective. I don't want to open them up to ridicule, I try to shield them. As a result, my scenes are stilted. I have the same problem in reverse if I dislike a character; I write them as too nasty. In reality, mean people are sometimes nice and nice people are occasionally real jerks.

Honest 'likes'

I was on Facebook for a minute today. I don’t like facebook, which is why I was only there a minute. While I was there I noticed a “like Walmart” advert. It said  that ‘liking’ Walmart would “score” me “everyday low prices”. Um. They have those anyway right? So ‘liking’ Walmart really only gets me more crap ads posted on my fb page, and spammed to anyone who happens to have friended me.

I dislike all the companies who have these types of promotions. Like us and get a coupon. Like us and be entered into a drawing -along with 240 million other people who fell for this- for something worth $3. The stores ‘look’ popular and don’t have to pay for advertising. The ‘liker’ doesn’t really benefit most of the time, and I suspect that they usually don’t really care about the store one way or the other. But ‘like’ is the only way to get the coupon, which they then have to print before they can forget to use it. Personally, I wish companies would just offer fair pricing to begin with.

There used to be a department store in the DC area – The Hecht Company – waaaay back when, it was reasonably upscale and popular. Somewhere along the line it became the store that sent out glossy sale booklets through the mail every week. Every week, a booklet. Not a 4 page flier, a 20+ page magazine sized book. To 100,000 or more local residents. Imagine the postage on that, and keep that idea in mind for later.

Now what annoyed me about these sale books was that every week they claimed everything in the store was 50% off. They put in ‘save an extra 20%’ coupons for every department in the store. The way I see it, if you can afford to take 50% or more off everything that often, you over priced it to begin with. Plus, if you do that every single week, it is not a sale, that IS your regular price, so the 50% off stuff was a lie. The sale was 20% off if you actually used the coupon. Forget the coupon, pay regular price.

Because I felt like the ads were a glossy red lie, I refused to shop at the Hecht Company. I was also annoyed that they killed all those trees every week to send out the same basic false sale. Now, eventually the Hecht Company went bankrupt. I suspect I was not the only person who noticed that nothing was really 50% off “regular” price because “regular” was the 50% off price. I also suspect that the cost of printing and mailing that fake sale paper every single week ate deeply into the bank account. 

This is what I mean by ‘charge a fair price’. A store has overhead, whether brick or cyber. Pricing has to cover overhead. Stock, space, electric, phones, shipping supplies, business license fees, employees, whatever you use is overhead. So the product has to cost at least enough to pay for itself and the work that went into getting it on the shelf.

 No one goes into business to only cover overhead, so pricing also need to produce a bit of profit. If the average selling price of Widgets is $1.00 and Widgets cost you .75 to get on the shelf, profit is twenty-five cents. If your widgets only cost you fifty cents, you can either sell them for less, and possibly sell more of them, or you can sell them for the going rate and make more profit that way. You can sell your product for whatever price you want. If I like your price, I’ll buy it. If you sell it for $1 and I don’t like your service or trust your store, and Joe’s corner store sells it for $1.25, I’m going to Joe’s. It isn’t all about price. It’s about service, integrity and fairness.

Now you may wonder how I got here from facebook and the whole “like us for rewards” thing. I don’t trust all those coupon-induced ‘likes’. When I see a store with 2342342987864643 ‘likes’ on fb, I think of those Hecht Company ads. When I see a small local company who has 500 likes, that I believe. 500 people who didn’t have to be bought to want to share a store with their friends on fb makes me think I should check that store out. 500,000 who share a store with quirky merchandise I can believe too. But I don’t believe that millions of people were so thrilled with ‘ordinary’ that they felt compelled to share it with every one.

I can believe that 804,916 people ‘like’ Wawa. If you go to Wawa’s fb page, they do have a ‘like us for deals’ but they don’t have that plastered everywhere. It’s on their fb page, so to find it you have to go there or see it because one of your friends ‘liked’ it.  Those are genuine ‘likes’. 

There is some advertising on this blog and it is likely to be content related. Therefore either Walmart or Wawa may end up being advertised here. If I had my druthers, it'd be Wawa, because Wawa is awesome. Go there. Get coffee. I drive past half a dozen coffee shops and convenience stores to get to Wawa's coffee.  Try it, or try a hoagie. Both are excellent.  I bet you'll be willing to go find Wawa's fb page and like them too.